Gay Dating

Are You Addicted to Dating?

Jonathan Welford

Written by: Jonathan Welford

Jonathan Welford

Jonathan Welford is a dating and relationship coach, author of three relationship coaching books and regular GayDatingExpert.com columnist. He heads up a coaching and therapy practice specializing in dating and relationships. He lives in the UK with his husband and their English bulldog named Lola.

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles and reports have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement.

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Are you addicted to dating? In today’s disposable society, do we give up on a relationship too soon?

I am not saying you should just settle down with the first person you meet, but you should give your dates a chance.

We are all guilty of judging someone based on first impressions, and if they don’t fit our fantasy “cookie cutter” ideal, we put a cross in the box and move on.

I know I have been guilty of this in my dating past. My “Mr. Darcy” isn’t going to be charging up my tree-lined drive on a horse.

First, I have a townhouse with no drive. Second, I don’t live in a Jane Austen novel.

So what are the signs of a dating addiction?

1. Only first dates.

You have plenty of first dates but rarely any second dates.

2. You have a very stringent ideal.

If a guy fails on one element, you ignore all the other positive aspects.

I had one dating client who refused to date a man who was below 6 feet tall and rejected one really good guy because he was 5 feet 11 inches!

3. You are constantly looking for the next date.

You find if you haven’t logged on to your online dating site for a few hours, you start to get anxious and restless.

This phenomenon is very common – the “last bus” feeling you’ll miss out on something if you’re not online.

 

“Dating and finding a partner can become

a full-time job, but don’t make it so.”

What is the way forward?

1. Give a new date a chance.

Unless they are rude, obnoxious or you are genuinely repulsed by them, if an opportunity for a second date comes around, agree to meet.

You don’t have to sleep with them. Just use it as an opportunity to get to know them more.

First dates can be an anxious time for some guys. They either try too hard, are very nervous or don’t come off as well as they could.

2. Agree to meet.

If someone doesn’t come across as your ideal guy but the content on his dating profile is good, then agree to meet.

You may surprise yourself. The superficiality of your fantasy boyfriend may be completely changed when you meet someone you truly connect with.

3. Don’t make it a full-time job.

Dating and finding a partner can become a full-time job, but don’t make it so.

Schedule your time on dating sites, and don’t let life pass you by as you scroll through profile after profile.

Set a fixed period of time to go online and check messages, profiles, likes, etc. Ten to 20 minutes a night should be enough.

It’s OK in the first few weeks to spend a little longer tweaking your profile when you are inspired by others.

4. When you meet someone, suspend your profile.

Using the excuse that your chats online are with pals is flimsy and creates insecurity in the relationship. Plus, you have plenty of other non-dating social networking sites you can talk to pals on.

Remember, dating is the process you go through to find a partner. When you’ve established a relationship, you continue to date your partner, not other people.

How do you avoid becoming addicted to dating? Your comments are welcome!

Photo source: taicarmen.wordpress.com.

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