Gay Dating

Dating a Player

Jonathan Welford

Written by: Jonathan Welford

Jonathan Welford

Jonathan Welford is a dating and relationship coach, author of three relationship coaching books and regular columnist. He heads up a coaching and therapy practice specializing in dating and relationships. He lives in the UK with his husband and their English bulldog named Lola.

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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We’ve all been there, some many times, when we’ve met a guy and we think they’re “The One.”

They tell us all the things we want to hear. He has a reputation. Our friends try to warn us. His friends try to warn us.

But that little inner voice says, “With me, he’ll be different. I can help him change.”

Hmmm…this is a tricky one.

Do players settle down?

Do they eventually become faithful and perfect boyfriend material?

The answer can be yes, but it also can be no. A player has a game plan, either a thought out one or an instinctive one.

People adapt in time, so I am not saying not to date a player. Just be aware of what you are getting involved in.

A reader recently wrote in asking if he should date a player.

He liked a guy and felt a connection, but he was unsure if it was part of the game he’d seen play out before.

I gave my reader what I felt were the top three pointers of dating a player:

1. Don’t evolve into a chaser.

The moment he’s being chased, he’ll become Road Runner (and you know what always happens to Wile E. Coyote).

2. Don’t be at his beck and call.

If he phones at 11 p.m. and asks to come around, that’s a booty call, not a date.

If you want to be his booty call, then that’s fine, but if you want to date him, then intimacy follows a date, not waking up in an empty bed.

3. Be confident in who you are.

Don’t change the fabric of your own being to keep him.

If you feel you are going to be hurt, then it’s time to bail. If the emotional pressure on you gets too much, it’s time to call it a day and keep your sanity intact.

Ultimately, the journey to find a long-term relationship can have highs and lows, but you have to be in the dating game to get the desired outcome.

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