I’m a Lesbian with a Disablity. Can You Help Me?

Mary Gorham Malia

Written by: Mary Gorham Malia

Mary Gorham Malia

Mary G. Malia, founder of Gay Girl Dating Coach, is a certified singles coach, strategic intervention coach and author of the book "The Gay Girl’s Guide to Avoid the 14 Dating Traps." She’s known as the leading resource and expert for lesbians who want to move past the barriers to finding love and lasting relationships.

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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Reader Question:

I am a 50-year-old who doesn’t know what to do. My partner left a year and a half ago and the grieving is over.

My issue is more that I have a disability and am not in the hippest lesbian area.

I have been on dating sites and they suck. Social events are great. However, with my multiple sclerosis, I am very unreliable and tend to let my anxiety turn into stress. In addition, I am not able to drive long distance.

Personally, I am not attracted to butch lesbians. I am definitely more into Portia and not into Ellen.

Can you help me out with this?

-Kim (Virginia)

Mary Gorham Malia’s Answer:

Hi Kim,

First off, congratulations on turning the corner after your breakup and feeling like you are ready for love and relationship again.

Now let’s talk about what you shared.

First, I’m going to pop your bubble. I’d say you’re not really ready to date. In nine short sentences, you’ve told me nine reasons why you can’t be successful in finding love.

And guess what, Kim? You’re going to prove yourself right. You have created a mountain of reasons to keep yourself single.

You’ve told me you’re too different (disabled), too afraid, too stressed and too picky. You’ve told me anxiety is in control of what’s happening in your life.

You’ve told me the most powerful way to reach other single lesbians who want to date (online dating) “sucks.”

Now here’s the most powerful thing I can tell you to do: You’ve got to change your mind about yourself, about other lesbians and about what’s possible for you and love.

There is only one thing standing in the way of you finding love and that is what YOU BELIEVE – the conversation you are having with yourself.

I worked with a woman last year who was absolutely convinced she was going to have to move 45 minutes away to find lesbians to date.

Guess what? She found a fabulous match just two blocks from where she’d always been living.

The point I want to make is you really are in charge of what’s happening in your world.

Even in the face of having MS, if you’ll do the work to create a positive habit of thinking about love showing up in your world and move past your anxiety to learn how to use online dating sites for the right results, you will find love!

Yes, my friend, it’s all in your head and you are completely in charge of what’s happening in there!

Here’s to cultivating a whole new way of approaching love!

Hugs, Mary

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