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In a merciless gay community where you’re labeled “over the hill” after the age of 30 (and even younger in some circles!), it can be extremely challenging for those single gay men in midlife and beyond who are serious about dating to find quality partners who are also seeking a serious relationship.
Gay dating culture is overdue for a radical makeover. Many gay singles need to stop glamorizing youth and holding ageist attitudes. The harsh reality is the silver generation of gay men may have a smaller dating pool simply because younger guys are more likely to be out and proud.
While this may be a realistic barrier, it doesn’t have to be insurmountable. The good news is if you’re a senior gay man, you’re not completely alone, and you’re in good company. There are a lot of qualified date prospects among this group, but perhaps in the closet or harder to find. So how do you go about increasing the odds of success in finding a compatible man who shares your values and dreams for a lasting partnership?
Keep in mind that dating is more art than science. Here are a variety of dating tips to help you along your journey to finding Mr. Right when you’re over 50 and on the market for love:
1. Embrace Your Age and Maturity
To be a hot commodity in the dating market, regardless of one’s age, it’s important to have healthy self-esteem. To allow oneself to become jaded and bitter about the ageist mistreatment that exists only causes personal suffering and could potentially block real dating opportunities from being recognized.
Sexiness is an attitude that is attainable by anyone at any age. Take stock of all the reasons why you’re a good catch as an older man and lead with that confidence in all social interactions.
Your life experience, maturity, wisdom and accomplishments can make you very appealing to the right man. And it’s important to honor where you’re at during this particular juncture of your life because it’s well-deserved. Surround yourself with other like-minded individuals and read books that affirm your identity and stage of life. I like “Golden Men: The Power of Gay Midlife” by Harold Kooden and Charles Flowers.
2. Be Visible and Proactive
The older we get, the easier it can be to get to comfortable with our ways and routines. Now is the time to mix things up, get out there and seek new adventures.
Align yourself in venues that match your personal interests, talents and values so you can meet other gents with similar tendencies. Become active in your local gay community, volunteer for charities that you value and create your own events or functions that could attract other single gay men. MeetUp.com can be a great forum for this.
3. Spread Yourself Across a Variety of Dating Venues
Avoid limiting yourself to one particular dating venue. Many people become too dependent on dating personal sites, for example, and this restricts your exposure to meeting a variety of prospects.
Consider some of the venues in your area where gay men linger, and if you’re creating a dating profile or personals ad, be sure to have a captivating headline that draws people in and inject some humor in the text to be memorable. It’s also important that you sprinkle your personal requirements for a relationship and potential partner in your search parameters to help attract the right kind of men.
It’s all about the quality, not quantity. Unfortunately the great majority of gay personal ads tend to be disguised hookup sites, so be clear about your relationship intentions.
One online dating site for older adults that I’ve heard positive feedback about is OurTime.com.
Relationships: Dates and Relationships
Match System: Search by profiles by zip and more
Our Experts Say: “OurTime is a fantastic option for gay, bisexual, and curious single men age 50 and up, as the site's user base is very active...” Full Review »
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| User Base | Gender Ratio | Popularity (Visits/Mo.) |
Today's Deal
|
| Mature Singles (50+)* |
48%*
52%*
|
8.9 Million* | Over 50? Try It FREE |
Of coures, single men can also go the more mainstream route of Grindr or Tinder to meet local gay men. However, the date prospects on these online dating apps are likely to be younger men (read: hornier men) so may see an older man’s profile and swipe past without consideration. Or he might be looking for a sugar daddy. You never know, but expect wild date experiences on free gay dating apps.
4. Take Note of Your 50+ Gay Brothers
While we all have our specific turn-ons and attractions, it’s important that we not take for granted that there are a lot of hot 50+ gay men out there seeking love and companionship. Avoid falling victim to the glamorization of youth.
I hear all too often from older singles that guys their age only seem to be interested in the younger men, and this is a huge missed opportunity to limit your dating. Age-gap relationships aren’t the only fulfilling way to connect with men. Don’t judge a book by its cover, and be open and receptive to all options.
Expand your erotic template and pay close attention to all the goodness and sexiness that an older gay man can bring to the table.
5. Lead a Balanced Life
Feed your physical, emotional, mental and spiritual selves to make yourself as whole a person as you can. This will help you with being emotionally and physically available for true love when it presents itself.
Since many single men tend to be visual by nature, a gay, bisexual, or queer man on the prowl may want to work at keeping yhis body in tip-top shape while living with vitality. Your healthy physique (and ab muscles) will send out vibes that you’re the kind of guy who’s worth getting to know better.
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