8 Ways to Give the Best Blowjob

Often when I tell people I’m a seduction coach, they’ll reply, “Oh, you mean you teach those classes on how to give blowjobs?”

In the past, I’ve always replied, “No, because if you think I can teach you how to suck off your man better than you can, and I’ve never even met him, then one of us has a problem. Maybe both. Possibly all three.”

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One day, I came across an article on just that topic, and it was the most awful, problematic tripe about oral sex I had ever read.

With lines like, “Imagine you’re licking an ice cream cone and not a fleshy appendage protruding from his body,” “Don’t spoil it when it’s finally almost over,” and “Try to resist the urge to give him the death stare that says, ‘If you don’t come soon, I’m going to kill you,’” I gasped in horror, and I knew I had to push back.

I tweeted “Do you even like men?” back at the authors.

It was that same day DatingAdvice.com approached me asking if I would write an article on how to give a blowjob, and I responded with an enthusiastic YES.

There weren’t many things I was a natural at when it came to sex and relationships, but giving head was one of them.

I was such a late bloomer that by the time I finally gave my first bj at the relatively ripe age of 21, I was so stoked to finally have cock in my mouth that I gave myself over to it with raw enthusiasm.

Really the core issue here, judging by some of the information that’s already out there, is I have to figure out how to impart the ability to enjoy oneself during the act.

I believe with a sufficient amount of passion for providing your lover with pleasure, much of the technique will follow naturally.

You can get top 10 tips in any magazine, right? What can I do with my word count here that might actually cut through the noise and boundlessly transform your next cocksucking endeavor?

While I’ll be discussing technique, too, what I most hope to convey throughout the individual tips and tricks listed here is the astounding potential for bliss within the act of oral sex — not just for the receiver but for the giver.

Yes, you read that right. It can be pleasurable for both.

When you’re with a lover and you’re about to go down on him, his body becomes your playground. His chest, thighs, cock, balls, and ass are yours. Take a moment to take all of that in.

Just giving yourself that couple of seconds to look him over, knowing that whatever happens next is completely up to you, should put a delicious chill in your spine. There is tremendous power in taking control of a man’s cock.

Some guys may try to control your movements by grabbing your head, or they may grab their own dicks to make themselves harder before you begin your magic. Stop them.

Facefucking is great, and masturbating for a partner is great, but this article is about neither of those things. It’s about giving oral sex.

For our purposes here, you want freedom to approach his body at whatever speed and pace you like.

Gently place his hands away from his body and fix him with a stern and sexy look. Or tie him up if, like me, you love rope and the sight of a man tied up and hard for you gets you wet as all get out. This is your show now. (Here’s a great article all about ropes, BDSM and the like.)

When a man submits himself to your oral pleasure, he’s on your clock. This means you can take as much time as you like teasing him or pleasuring him slowly. Let him feel from the start that you plan on taking your time as much as you like.

Kiss his chest and stomach, letting your tits graze his cock. Kiss his thighs, knowing you are just a few torturous inches from where he wants you. Look into his eyes and tease him mercilessly. This should get the point across that he’s on your time.

A cool benefit of taking your time before building speed and pressure is you can watch him to gauge his reactions and, in slowly accelerating, ascertain exactly where he seems the most blissful.

Every man has different preferences, so slow down and pay attention to the signals his body is giving.

Even in the midst of the act, you can take time to slow down, pause, use your hands, strike up conversation or, if you’re feeling mean (as I am wont to do sometimes), leave him tied up and aching while you go into the kitchen to pour yourself a glass of wine. Then come back and drink it slowly, perhaps letting him sip some directly from your mouth, before you resume your attentions on his cock.

You’re doing this for you. Enjoy it.

Spit is a necessary lubricant and your salivary glands can only work up so much at a time, so take his cock into your mouth slowly and wait to take in more until you’ve built up enough spit to properly coat it.

This has an added bonus of being sexy and tease-y, to the extent you are just taking the tip of your lover’s cock into your mouth at first until you’re ready for more.

It’s important to know the saliva that comes from the front of your mouth is very different from the saliva that comes from the back of your throat. The former is thin and watery. The latter is thick and viscous.

If and when you get to deep-throating (we’ll get to that part in a bit), hock up as much of that as possible. As lubricant, it has greater staying power and slickness, and the more of it you slather on your lover’s cock, the better.

Or as one of my gay male friends says, “Make it look like you jizzed on it before he does.”

“The best moments in sex are

when the vulgar acts become holy.”

This is obvious, right? This is probably the first thing you ever heard about blowjobs, and it remains absolutely true.

Cover your teeth with your lips and use your tongue to swirl around and stroke the head of his cock when inside your mouth.

If you have a great, big, giant mouth like I do (years of a singer’s training, I suspect), you can open your jaw wide enough that you can pucker your lips into an O shape without your teeth getting in the way, but if you haven’t tried this yet, do it slowly and carefully.

There’s something very sexy about the literal danger that is posed for a man trusting his jewels to be put in your mouth.

There’s also something sexy about the gentle navigation necessary to make sure your teeth don’t scrape him, much like the gingerly consideration in giving a handjob when you’ve got long nails.

Enjoy the thrill of how delicate you must be with him.

You might find a lot of articles about blowjobs assuring you that you don’t have to deep-throat. These authors have your comfort and your security in mind.

Truly, you don’t have to do anything. It’s a free country. You don’t have to give a blowjob at all, but since you’re here and we’re talking about this, I challenge you, nay, implore you, to give deep-throating a shot.

Rather than your mere comfort and security, I have your excitement and passion in mind, and the ecstasy I’ve experienced giving a good deep-throat is something I don’t want you to miss out on.

The rush of control blending with submission, of power and subservience intermingling, that you can feel when you sweep your mouth smoothly and seamlessly down a lover’s cock until your lips are securely planted at the base of him, grabbing his hips or his ass and locking him into you, holding him there firmly, is one of the greatest feelings in the world.

When a man is locked into your throat, he is yours for as long as you can hold your breath.

You will need to hold your breath, by the way, so take a deep one before you go down. It matters not that only your mouth is blocked. When a cock is deep in your throat, your nasal passages will be blocked as well from the back.

This is actually a good thing because if you accept the fact that you will be holding your breath for several long and delicious seconds, it will make it all the easier to control your gag reflex.

A gag reflex is totally normal and nothing to be scared of. In fact, it’s a boon, as it will produce that awesome, viscous throat-coat spit that will continue to lubricate his cock even as you switch from your mouth to your hands and back.

You’ll need that spit dripping over him to coat his balls if you choose to take them into your mouth or massage them with the palm of your hand.

So hold your breath, lower your mouth slowly toward his base (tilting your head forward toward his stomach makes for the best angle in my experience) and brace yourself. Your throat will contract. Let it.

If you’re brave and have excellent lung capacity, stay there through two or three contractions. Let your tongue press against his shaft. It’s almost as though your throat is having an orgasm.

Then come up and see if he ever looks at you the same way again.

By now you’ve been working your lover’s cock with your mouth, you’ve taken him into your throat and he’s coated in as much spit as you can muster. Now that he’s lubricated, you can switch things up and use your hands on him.

This is a great opportunity to free up your mouth to pay attention to his balls, licking them or taking them gently into your mouth one at a time (or both at a time if you’re particularly talented).

Start gently, just as you did with his cock, and slowly build in intensity based on the reactions he gives you. Sit up and use both your hands on his cock while you ask him what feels best to him.

Don’t ask him if it feels good. It’s a poor lover who will answer no to that question. Instead, give him options: slower or faster; lighter or harder.

Or try using your mouth and hand at the same time, which combines the pressure and surface area coverage of your hand with the warmth and wetness of your mouth.

If you and he are both feeling adventurous, you can try for a little rimming or prostate action as well. For some guys, just having the outer part of their ass stroked with a tongue or a spit-slicked finger is enough. For others, a finger inside them will drive them into ecstasy.

Personally, I think there’s only one way to find out, and I deeply appreciate a lover who’s willing to brave new things. If he’s nervous about it, have him breathe deeply and let out sound on the exhale. This actually physically relaxes the muscles in the sphincter.

Go slowly. As with everything, slower is always safer, as it allows you to gauge reactions and set the pace accordingly.

Amidst your ministrations on your man’s member, don’t forget there’s still the rest of a person attached to that vital part of his anatomy.

You can stay connected using your hands to touch other parts of him, paying attention to how he moves, placing your palm on his chest to feel his heartbeat, grabbing his hipbones or, if you’re on your sides, placing a hand through his legs and on his sacrum (or tailbone, for those less tantrically inclined).

Or hold hands while you’re going down on him. This is a great way to feel that your entire bodies are connected, not just your mouth to his junk.

You also can stay connected through eye contact and dialogue.

A lot of advice out there will tell you to maintain eye contact during head-giving because it’s sexy or it will turn him on. That may be true, but an even better reason for eye contact is to feel like you’re actually staying in tune with the person whose dick you’re sucking.

Silent communication is possible when you’re looking into your partner’s eyes.

While it’s great to switch it up when you’re in the middle of things, when your man is nearing orgasm, it’s best to stay on the same track.

When he’s about to come, you’ll usually notice his hips flex upward, his legs straighten, and his thighs tense.

Some guys will make more noise vocally when they’re nearing their climax — but some won’t. Many of us are the products of a sexually shaming society and learned from an early adolescent age to associate our orgasms with necessary silence to avoid being caught masturbating by family members.

Vocal cues won’t always be there. Learn to read his body language. For any guys who might be reading this article, vocal signs of enjoyment are always appreciated by sexual partners.

Or you can be mean and make him hold out, slowing down on purpose, bringing him to the edge several times before you finally allow him his orgasm. He might hate you when you do it, but he will thank you for it afterward.

I get asked by a lot of women about whether I think it’s necessary to swallow. I don’t really understand the desire not to. If you like a guy enough to have his jewels in your mouth, don’t you also like him enough to swallow his cum?

If you’re worried about the taste, bring your mouth as far down on him as you can as he’s coming and then just shoot it back. Look, Jagermeister doesn’t taste good either, but I see plenty of people swallowing that.

Swallowing your lover’s semen is a way of demonstrating to him that you are physically accepting into your body the part of him that is most masculine, that his sexuality is appealing to you and not something you immediately need to eject from your being.

That said, I also think a guy who gets squicked about kissing after his girl’s gone down on him is a punk, so that should go both ways.

If you’re really dead against swallowing, and I can’t possibly convince you of what an awesome act it is, there are other options.

If you’ve worked up enough spit, you can finish your guy off with your hands and let him come on your breasts, face or stomach. In my mind, it’s not a degrading act.

Think of it instead as being slathered in a very literal sign of your lover’s desire for you. You become the recipient of his highest point of physical pleasure, the prom queen of his peak.