Great Guys Exist But They Might Be Trapped In First Date Hell

Men's Dating

Great Guys Exist, But They Might Be Trapped in First Date Hell

Jonathon Aslay

Written by: Jonathon Aslay

Jonathon Aslay

Jonathon, a successful entrepreneur, coach, speaker and author of "Understand Men NOW - The Relationships Men Commit To and Why" and "Online Dating Secrets Revealed," teaches the do’s and don’ts of Internet dating and helps women become date and relationship ready.

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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A few days ago, I spoke to a woman named Stacey who shared the story of her younger brother. He’s a guy with a stable job.

He’s a fantastic uncle to her kids, he feeds the homeless on Wednesday nights, and he’s a perfect gentleman to friends, co-workers and even strangers.

He exercises regularly, eats healthy and has no criminal record (that should give him 50 bonus points right there).

All in all, he’s a good guy except for one thing: He’s nervous around women.

Maybe he had a traumatic event in his childhood, or maybe he was rejected by a girl which left a sting.

The thing is, now he’s a bad dater. Chances are, he would make a great boyfriend, but he can never get past the first date.

There are so many ways a guy can bungle a date.

Maybe his head is filled with what the media says is romance and he acts like a goofy character in a romantic comedy.

Maybe he thinks looks and money are what matters, so he takes every opportunity to show it with lavish gifts.

Maybe he thinks men have to be the “bad boy” to get the girl, only he gets it wrong and ends up repelling women.

Maybe the guy thinks he needs to be a comedy legend and acts like a mixture of every comedian in history (or worse, Uncle Joey from “Full House”).

Maybe they act too nervous, which signals to a woman that when life gets tough, he’ll crumble and fold, so she can’t trust him.

These days, confidence is the determining factor between those in a relationship and those who are perpetually single. And yet, there are so many men with confidence who are total jerks.

Is confidence really a sign of good character? After all, most criminal sociopaths sitting in Pelican Bay think very highly of themselves.

“Character is a reflection of what a

person does, not what a person says.”

Is this confidence or arrogance? What’s the difference?

Confidence is being comfortable in your own skin and not wanting to trade it. It’s a belief in oneself and one’s powers and abilities.

If you’re confident, you know you’re good enough, but you don’t have to prove it.

Arrogance, on the other hand, means you have everything to prove.

According to Webster’s Dictionary, arrogance is an attitude of superiority manifested in an overbearing manner or in presumptuous claims or assumptions.

Imagine the players who have loads of confidence. These are the guys juggling two, three, four or even five girls at any given time.

These are the guys oozing confidence, and yet, they regularly blow off dates. They ring at the last minute for booty calls. They romance women into bed and don’t ever call back.

Basically, their actions don’t match their words. With these guys, if the world doesn’t respond the way they want it to, watch out.

Then there are the stand-up guys who lack confidence with women. They see the players in action, and their arrogance, and want no part of it.

They do want to be successful with women, but they don’t want to compromise and stoop to that level.

The stink of it is, they don’t see any other option, so they’d rather stay nervous and afraid rather than become a total dick.

Maybe they’re nervous about the little margin of error they get, so they overthink every decision on the date, thus costing them the moment.

It might be one of these things or a combination of these things.

The man’s character shouldn’t be called into question.

Character is a reflection of what a person does, not what a person says.

Maybe they are the type of guy who would help an old lady across the street. Maybe they pick up trash form the sidewalk. Maybe they speak up when they see injustice, or maybe they have a good heart and believe in the golden rule.

Whatever it is, just like Stacey’s brother, they’re all-around good guys…but they’re just a little shy or nervous when it comes to dating.

But these are the guys who just might make great boyfriends.

For all the women who say, “There are no good men out there,” could it be that great guys exist, but they are trapped in first date or bad daters hell?

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