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You two spotted each other on a senior singles site, flirted for a week and arranged to meet for a first date within two weeks of connecting.
You dressed up, wearing that cute cocktail dress you bought at Neiman’s last month, and you’re looking your best.
You both showed up and did your best body language flirting, but to tell the truth, there just weren’t any sparks for you.
He’s a nice enough guy. There’s nothing wrong with him. He’s not a dud, but he’s just not “The One” for you.
How can you end the date and handle telling him? What’s the right way? What’s the wrong way? And when should you do it?
Women, we will hyper analyze, project a relationship before the end of the evening, and chat about it with our girlfriends before tomorrow morning if we think there’s some potential.
Men don’t do this about first dates. Either he felt instant attraction to you or he didn’t.
If you wait until after the date ends and send him an email to articulate your rejection tomorrow, he won’t have projected you as his next major girlfriend.
Plus, I think sending a rejection email after a first date is wimpy behavior for both men and women.
“Being gracious and feminine will leave his ego
intact and your own boundaries healthy.”
In some cultures, directly rejecting at the end of the first date would be considered rude.
If that is the case for you, that’s fine. But just as a general guideline, healthy communication is best done at the time with kindness.
If romantic chemistry’s flame simply didn’t spark for you, I recommend that as a mature woman with a head on her shoulders and a heart, you tell him at the end of the date.
Don’t say, “Because your divorce isn’t finalized and you don’t know when it will be, I just don’t think you’re available for a relationship.”
Nor should you say, “Your complaining about your ex-wife left me feeling cold.”
You are not his coach. He hasn’t asked you for feedback, so don’t give it to him. Retain your poise and attractiveness.
At the end of the date, always thank him for asking you out and for providing the date.
He did pay, right? So thank him for that.
“James, thank you for the drinks. I’m so glad we got to meet after our fun exchange online. However, I just didn’t feel we’re a match.”
Being gracious and feminine will leave his ego intact and your own boundaries healthy and intact. Then you’re both ready to find lasting love — with someone else!
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