Women's Dating

How to Be Interested and Interesting

Laurel House

Written by: Laurel House

Laurel House

Laurel House is an international dating coach and has been a featured expert on dozens of print, online and television outlets. Her fifth book "Screwing The Rules: The No-Games Guide to Love” was published in December 2014. Her YouTube videos, which have had more than 20 million views, are edgy, authentic, relatable yet inspirational. For more info, visit ScrewingtheRules.com.

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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There truly are plenty of fish in the sea, but that’s not always a good thing, especially when it comes to how you’re going to stand out to the rest of them.

The good news is if you put a little effort into it, it’s easy. How? Be interested and, more than that, be interesting!

So many women think they should dumb themselves down on the first date, be agreeable, be nice, nod a lot, not reveal too much…be vanilla.

No. No. No. That’s exactly what NOT to do, unless you’re OK simply blending in and being one of the many fish.

I’m going to let you in on what you should do instead. But first, let’s start with the DON’TS.

1. Don’t be a wallflower

Don’t be a nod-and-smile girl giving one-word answers and avoiding going into detail.

2. Don’t let him be the one with the stories.

Don’t let him be the one with all the charisma and personality. This is the potential bud of a relationship – a partnership.

Regardless of your age, social status, education, life experience (and I’m not saying they are lower), you are also interesting, you have a perspective, you have insight and an opinion. Share it!

3. Don’t be a know-it-all either.

You aren’t trying to one-up each other. This isn’t a competition.

This is a conversation and conversations are give and take, reciprocal and equal.

“Just like with any conversation,

be aware of your audience.”

Now for the DO’s.

1. Bring something to the table – you.

Be interested in what he has to say. Be interesting so he is interested in what you have to say.

If he really doesn’t care about your point of view, if he blows off your contribution to the conversation, if he zones out when it’s your turn to talk, he’s not the guy for you.


He is interested in you, what you have to say, what you do, who you are as a human.

Why does this matter? Because he makes you feel important, which helps to boost your self-esteem and makes you want to continue to do interesting things and be an interesting human.

It also makes you feel like you aren’t in a one-sided relationship with an egomaniac that loves to be interesting, but not so interested in you.


He is interesting. He does mind expanding things. He goes to eye-opening places. He has a career you find intellectually stimulating and you actually want to talk and inquire about.

He enjoys activities (that you can be incorporated in) that challenge and excite you. He has personal passions you also find inspiring and would enjoy exploring.

Not sure what you bring to the table?

Before your date

, think about interesting stories, lessons, experience, classes, places, foods, bits of knowledge that make you different or interesting.

What do they say about you? How have they helped mold you? How do they express your perspective?

Write them down so you remember them (obviously don’t read them out loud).

Still not sure? Here are some starters…


Where have you traveled? What did you see? What did you learn? What was your takeaway from those experiences?

Dig deeper than, “I went to Mexico and had so much fun! We lied out on the beach all day and went to such fun parties at night!”

Come on now…that isn’t that interesting. You have more depth. Dig it out.


Is there a sport you are enthusiastic about, that you are involved in, that you follow? Were you a competitive ice skater from the age of six? Great!

What did you learn from that experience? Did waking up at 5 a.m. and heading to the rink each morning teach you about being a self-starter, being competitive with yourself, learning grace and poise?

Because you spent your childhood at the rink, did you also watch the local hockey team practice between your figure skating sessions? Do you love hockey because of the nostalgic feeling it brings you?


Are you a movie buff with a passion for cult films? Have you seen “Rocky Horror Picture Show” 35 times and memorized all the lines?

What is it about the show that outsiders don’t know? Do you have a passion for drive-in movie theaters, not just for the movie-watching experience, but for the nostalgia?


Are you a “foodie”? Are you knowledgeable about wine and cocktails? Have you met chefs, hung out with cheese mongers, bonded with pastry chefs, spent weekends with winemakers, been to their wineries and watched the process from grape to cask to glass?

Have you traveled to eat, discovered coveted dives and dined with celebrity chefs in their personal at-home gardens? Have you been on a white truffle hunt in Alba, Italy and blackberry picking in Arkansas?

What about cocktails? Are you into the herbaceous cocktail trend of putting savory herbs like thyme, oregano and jalapeno into your mixes? Why do you think the trend has come to this?

Do you have your own cocktail windowsill garden? How did you become interested in and learn about food, wine and spirits?

It could be none of the above pertain to you. And that’s OK. The point is to get you thinking about what makes you interesting, different and stand out.

Maybe have a few stories in your back pocket people tend to enjoy, get a kick out of or want to hear more about. Just like with any conversation, be aware of your audience, understand what he might find fascinating and bring up those points.

It’s probably not a good time to talk about your out-of-control Troll Doll collection or your borderline obsessive need to watch every single episode of “Snapped…Women Who Kill” on Oxygen. You want to come across as interesting, not crazy.

How are you going to be interested and interesting on your next date?

Photo source: ionehellobeautiful.wordpress.com.

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