Lay Big One Kissing Tips Gay Dater

Gay Dating

Lay a Big One on Me! Kissing Tips for the Gay Dater

Brian Rzepczynski

Written by: Brian Rzepczynski

Brian Rzepczynski

Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, DHS, MSW, is “The Gay Love Coach." To sign up for the FREE Gay Love Coach Newsletter filled with dating and relationship tips and skills for gay singles and couples, as well as to check out current coaching groups, programs and teleclasses, please visit

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Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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Have you seen’s study that says gay Americans are more likely to kiss on the first date than our straight counterparts? If not, check it out here.

Equally striking is the amount of gay men who report their dislike for this form of affection and intimacy. Why would this be? For me, there’s no bigger turn-on!

Whether you’re for or against this form of “facial intercourse,” as coined by sexologist Dr. Ava Cadell at Loveology University, kissing can be a highly erotic and playful activity that can enhance the attachment and bonding process of new dating partners (not to mention hiking up the horniness factor with those raging hormones and adrenaline!)

It can be a healthy expression of emotion and how you’re feeling toward him. It’s sexy and sensual. It helps to build anticipation and excitement as you’re getting to know each other.

Lastly, it’s a good form of safe sex before you’re ready to take things to the next level!

All one has to do is look in any gay newspaper or magazine or read the personal ads to see the gay community can have quite a sexualized culture.

I think kissing is a lost art form that can help aid the courtship process along and pace relationships more slowly so a solid foundation for a healthy commitment can naturally evolve before sex even comes into the equation.

Sex too early can sometimes sabotage a good thing before it’s gotten off the ground, or it could jumpstart that intimate connection you’re looking for. It depends on the couple.

Let’s talk a little bit about some kissing tips to restore this often overlooked hot endeavor!

1. Address underlying fears.

Have you ever wondered why that guy is willing to penetrate your mouth or caboose, but he says he’s just not into kissing? That always boggled my mind too, but there are a variety of reasons why some men might be anti-frenching.

Kissing can be a very intimate and vulnerable activity that requires a person to let his guard down. Sometimes internalized homophobia can be the culprit, masculinity being threatened by being this intimate with another man.

Sometimes it could be a fear of letting go of control, being rejected or falling in love. Maybe it’s being repelled against odor or germs. Maybe it’s a trust issue.

Whatever the cause, it’s important to identify and work through whatever these issues may be, as they more than likely manifest themselves as psychological blocks in other aspects of your life that could be robbing you of one of life’s greatest pleasures.

2. Assess before proceeding.

It’s always a good idea to take stock of whether your partner will be receptive to mouth-to-mouth resuscitation before going in for the kill.

Look deeply in the eyes to see if there’s a flirtatious quality and be mindful of the guy’s body language. Is he leaning in or pulling back?

Nothing is hotter than a spontaneous lip smack, but if you’re really uncertain of whether he’d be into it, there’s nothing wrong with simply asking if you can kiss him.

“Don’t let your kissing style

get stale and monotonous.”

3. Build anticipation.

One of the biggest aphrodisiacs is the element of intrigue and surprise.

Tease your partner with your kisses. Go in for a tongue-lashing, but before your lips meet, pull away and kiss around his face and neck before acting as if you’re going for the target. Then redirect your kisses and touches elsewhere.

Work him into a frenzy so he can’t take it anymore! He’ll be begging for it!

4. Kissing as a personality test.

Kissing somebody can actually tell you a lot about someone.

What does your guy’s kiss tell you about him? Does this work for you and your personal requirements? Does it trigger increased chemistry between the two of you? Or does it reflect a controlled and inhibited personality that doesn’t work with your relationship style?

5. Mix it up!

Don’t let your kissing style get stale and monotonous. Mix things up by trying different kissing techniques in different positions and injecting some creativity…like whipped cream on the lips or an ice cube to stimulate all sorts of sensations.

Remember kissing doesn’t have to be localized just to the mouth. The whole body is an erogenous zone, so let your lips do the traveling all over and use all five senses for maximum involvement and pleasure.

Even though I’m a big advocate for kissing, not everybody is into it and it’s important to respect boundaries and talk about what you like and don’t like about physical touch and contact with your partner.

What are some of your thoughts about kissing? Any techniques or tips you’d like to share?

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