Should I Be Sexting Him

Online Dating

Should I Be Sexting Him?

Julie Spira

Written by: Julie Spira

Julie Spira

Julie Spira is a leading online dating expert and founder of She’s the bestselling author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating and creates irresistible profiles for singles.

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Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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To sext, or not to sext? With everyone attached to their mobile phones and sharing photos through texts, SnapChat or AirDrop, couples in a sexy mood can’t help but send a photo of their private parts.

From the penis shot to the bra-less look with string bikini panties, people are sexting away. That is, until the relationship ends and the digital photos don’t remain solely between the two of you.

Whether you’re telling your sweetie what you want to do to them tonight or reminiscing about a lustful evening in the past, you must remember that pushing the send button on a sexy text or photo is something that can be and will be shared.

My digital rule of thumb

If you don’t want your boss, parents or children to see a text or photo, then don’t post it or send it.

As it relates to sexts, if a man you’re dating or flirting with asks you to send a photo of your private parts, it’s best to either ignore it or just say something like “You’re making me blush, aren’t you?” or “You’re flirting with me, right?”

Here’s the problem

One man I know of sent a very risque text to the woman he was dating about a certain sexual act he was fantasizing about engaging with her the next time they got together. He was simultaneously texting a business associate about something entirely different.

Somehow his sext ended up going to the business associate instead of the woman he was sexually craving. It was embarrassing to say the least.

The other problem is there are revenge porn sites out there now. When a relationship ends, some guys have been uploading nude photos or partially naked photos of their previous girlfriends, along with their names and contact information.

While you might have been in a monogamous relationship with a guy for a while, in a split second, you’ve suddenly become a porn star on the public Internet. Ouch! That can really hurt and ruin one’s reputation.

So what should you do if your guy wants to sext?

My recommendation is to delete anything sexual and send back something fun and flirty, such as “Can’t wait to see you tonight and wait until dessert …” or “You were amazing last night. I’m still aglow and can’t wait for a repeat performance.”

Just the suggestion alone is considered digital foreplay and will be a safer replacement to a sext that he just might show to his buddies when he talks about how great you are in bed.

Are you sexting? Has it helped or hurt your relationship?

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