The Power of No: How Women Control the Modern Dating Timeline

Are you tired of situationships? Sick of those undefined and unfulfilling series of sexy dates where a woman feels like she is waiting in the wings, hoping to win the title of “girlfriend”? The secret to eliminating them may just lie in a single word: the word NO. 

But there’s a problem. 

There is a scary feeling that creeps up the spine of many women when we are given the opportunity to say no. 

Deep down in our ancient female psyche lives the fear of being disliked. Or worse, rejected and abandoned, left alone in the wilderness to perish. Really! All this is part of our evolutionary wiring. 

Modern women are socialized to be nice, sweet, and compliant. And there is perhaps no more crucial time to showcase our cooperative selves than when dating a heterosexual male.

Some piece of us buys into the misguided notion that our value lies in being chosen. We’re conditioned to think we must present ourselves as a man’s prize.

Well, I have some big news for you ladies: It comes down to basic biology. Sperm chases egg — not the other way around. And the power of no might be your secret superpower.

There’s another reason the word “No” is so valuable. This has less to do with biology and far more about psychology.

It’s a universal principle of human behavior — All genders value what they have to work for. 

The more gentle obstacles a suitor is faced with, the more he will up his game and consider his conquest to be on a higher shelf than a hookup or situationship.

If you’re still not convinced, there is research to support the idea that delaying the onset of a sexual relationship while building some emotional intimacy is correlated with better relationship outcomes. 

I think I should interject here that this is not your grandmother’s advice to withhold sex as a way to manipulate a man. This is much more about granting yourself a period of partner assessment before you expose your eggs and bloodstream to a loser. 

By not allowing yourself to be lured into situationships, you reduce the risk of a quick fling turning into a huge mess. 

Adopting a “No” policy is practicing an ancient female mating strategy. Sex is still a higher-risk hobby for women than men.

Because of our unique biology, women are more likely to contract an STI, to fall in love with a loser because of a big hit of oxytocin, or, worst of all, to contract an 18-year case of parenthood. 

I do understand the dilemma. There is a curious message in our culture that women have achieved the “sexual freedom” that men have long maintained.

Now, may I gently inquire of those women walking the bumpy road of one failed situationship after another, “How free do you feel?” 

Now, I know this will be difficult, especially at the beginning. So there are three things you need to do to own the full power of the word no:

1. Ignore female competition. Whether they are Instagram models, your slutty girlfriends, or the other women having situationships with your man, forget them and their path. Walk to your own drumbeat, secure in the knowledge that you are valuable.
2. Grow a backbone. At the beginning, saying no won’t go over well. You’re going to find a lot of men will quickly disappear. You should be doing the touchdown cheer at this point. These are the wrong men for you. Still, being rejected hurts. You’ll need to get used to it.
3. Cast a wider net. Look further than that small group of so-called “high value” or “alpha” men and widen your search. Your idea of a powerful man just might be a man who can power a stroller.

Learning to value yourself, respect your intelligent body, and go against the grain of cultures’ misguided message to women will be challenging at first. 

But you are here on this planet today because your grandmother, your great-grandmother, and your ancestral women knew how to use this mating strategy. It’s in your blood. You can do this!