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Quick admission, I am a study junkie. I love to read scientific studies. I’m a science dork, so I often read about new science, but I also want to keep educating myself about what’s going on with everyone, mentally and emotionally. I even have a podcast where I chat with the authors of these studies about what the information is and why it is important.
A few months ago, a study by Dr. Ian Zapcic came out called, “’An Alpha Wouldn’t Spare an Emotion on a Woman’: A Directed Qualitative Analysis of Dark Triad Outcomes in Women’s Relationships with Red Pill Men.”
In these divided times, I thought it was worth taking a closer look at this and understanding what’s going on with men in the dating world. How are they handling rejection? What false beliefs have taken hold? How the heck did we get here? I’ll walk you through it.
First off, let’s get some definitions out of the way. In the eponymous 1999 movie, “The Matrix,” Neo is presented with a choice by Morpheus early in the movie.
“Take the blue pill, and you go back to sleep and believe whatever you want, or, take the red pill and see how deep the rabbit hole goes.” — “The Matrix”
Basically, if you take the red pill, you will see the unvarnished truth of your situation. After Neo takes the red pill, he wakes up in “the real world” and realizes the life he knew before was just an illusion.
From the study: “The Red Pill (TRP) is a men’s seduction community organized primarily online, particularly via the message board platform Reddit. TRP is considered to be part of the ‘manosphere,’ a nebulous confederation of websites, blogs, videos, and other online-mediated spaces devoted to men’s rights, promotion of male-centric issues, and opposing feminism.”
Men in these warped spaces talk about “taking the red pill” as a reference to signal enlightenment. They’ve woken up to reality — basically, it’s wokeism of a different shade. Red, not blue.
The study continues (emphasis mine), “In manosphere and TRP philosophy, the reality that must be unveiled and acknowledged is that, through feminism, women have attained social power and privilege, which allows them to control access to romantic or sexual relationships.”
TRP tactics are the next step in the evolution of the pickup artist (PUA, as they went by in the 2000s). Pickup artists tried to gamify romance and use tricks to pick up women. But they weren’t explicitly anti-feminist in the way Red Pill men are.
I again turn to the study for clarity: “Foundational TRP documents describe feminism not as a fight for gender equality but as a ‘sexual strategy,’ which women use to gatekeep their own bodies as well as controlling which men have access to sex more broadly.
“TRP, therefore, exists as an antithesis to feminism, which it views as an obstacle to be overcome in order to attain adherents’ sexual goals.”
As a quick aside, believe it or not, this isn’t the worst “pill” out there. The Black Pill takes this a step further. They believe everything is already predetermined, there’s nothing you can do about it, so break things and be bad. Some of the instigators of mass casualty events, such as the Toronto van killings, are from the Black Pill community.
The dark triad is a set of personality traits that, frankly, suck. They are:
The Red Pill community usually advocates for using these traits to “game the system” and succeed using any means necessary. That’s the thinking behind negging, ghosting, and other toxic trends.
Again, from the study: “Individuals high in these characteristics have been observed to engage in obtaining short-term wants over prioritizing long-term goals or connections. In high-DT individuals, these short-term wants are generally acquired through aversive or unsavory means, such as coercion or dishonesty.”
It gets worse. The study mentions emotional coldness, aggression, and self-importance being common, even encouraged, in this manosphere.
“Indeed, high-DT individuals tend to show a callous disregard of others in pursuit of their own. Collectively, these callous manipulation behaviors have been referred to as an adaptive ‘cheater strategy,’ which allows individuals to get what they want when they want it.”
In short, they feel that the world has cheated them out of “resources” that they “deserve,” so it’s OK to cheat to get them back. And in fact, causing hurt seems to be a part of this. Perhaps to “get back” at women who have hurt them over the years. Very not good.
Right now, men are in a crisis. For the first time ever, they are predicted to not do as well as their fathers. Job markets for high school-educated men are drying up, and women have blown by them academically.
And we’ve seen in 2024 that young men have taken a GLARING turn to the alt-right politically…while young women are becoming more liberal.
Take this with all the mixed messages that men are getting from the media, and it can be a confusing and frustrating time for the average man. Since men aren’t the best at being able to share their feelings with other guys, they start looking online to see what the “fix” is for this situation.
Then you start coming across Jordan Peterson and Joe Rogan. They say things like, “It’s not your fault,” and “We know the keys!” For a lost boy, this is a panacea for a bruised ego.
Work out, dress better, and get confident. That’s a message that almost anybody can get behind. But then it starts slipping into Andrew Tate’s philosophy where you “think the women belong to the men” and you “grab ‘em by the —” you know the rest.
Studies (Andrighetto ’19) also show that when men are rejected romantically, they start turning to the right politically. All of these things combined can lead men astray.
Men who have done work on themselves know who they are and want what they want – and it’s not to dominate or control anybody. I’m not saying everyone needs therapy, but it’s helped me. I believe more dudes should give it a try.
All of us can work on bettering ourselves. And maybe it was easier to get a date 30 years ago, ‘cause you had a big bank account and didn’t need a personality, but times change. You have to change with it.
Get interested in personal growth, and work on your challenges. I ask a question of all of my clients, male or female, “If your Aphrodite or Apollo walked in right now, would you be able to earn them?” All of us have special things about ourselves, and we should do more to bring those out and let them shine.
Every problem has a solution, and I never want any man to feel like there’s no hope because there always is. You should be surrounded by people who celebrate your success. Not like the incel community that kicked out its leader for, of all things, getting laid.
The first thing we all need to do collectively is breathe. The world isn’t ending, and everything can be readjusted.
Getting more resources directed toward young men has not been prioritized in American society, but maybe now that’s going to change. I hope it is.
Women have come so far recently — that’s great and should be celebrated. But now we’re seeing this clear trend (and it’s not anyone’s fault) that many men feel overlooked or inconsequential. When they feel someone else “gained” something, they think it’s at the expense of something they “lost.” They start to feel resentment toward those gaining things.
It’s simply a failure to adapt and appreciate the potential gains of having an equal partner and fulfilling their emotional needs as they fulfill yours. Don’t fall for the blame game.
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