Why Men Wont Cuddle After Sex

Women's Dating

Why Men Won’t Cuddle After Sex

Ellen Smoak

Written by: Ellen Smoak

Ellen Smoak

Ellen Smoak is an expert dating and relationship coach, author and speaker. To find out more about Ellen, her products and her coaching services, visit www.ellensmoak.com. Sign up for the Cupid's Roast Free Telesummit.

Edited by: Amber Brooks

Amber Brooks

Amber Brooks is a dating and relationship expert who has penned over 1,800 lifestyle articles in the last decade, and she still never tires of interviewing dating professionals and featuring actionable advice for singles. She has been quoted by the Washington Times, Cosmopolitan, The New York Post, and AskMen.

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Women ask this to themselves time and time again: Why won’t men cuddle after having sex? It’s an age-old mystery we’re going to try to explain here.

Have you ever wanted to cuddle with a man after sex and been denied? Your man simply doesn’t give you the kind of intimate affection after sex that you would like, and you’re starting to wonder if it’s you.

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Here’s why he won’t cuddle with you after sex:

Why Does He Pull Away After Sex?

An age-old question women ask is “Why is he distant after sex? Does he not love me as much I love him?”

After such an intimate, heart-pounding and soul-opening sexual experience, why is it that your man can just get up, get dressed, and get the hell out so damn quickly?

There’s no denying most women crave intimacy after sex (especially if you’re in love).

It’s perfectly normal if you what want after sex is for your man to hold you, caress you, and tell you how much you mean to him.

After having sex, wouldn’t it be nice if your man opened his arms and his heart, allowing you to sink into them both?

That would be quite possible if men were in touch with themselves and their emotions.

Let Me Explain Why Some Men Aren’t Cuddlers

You may or may not have heard about a very powerful hormone called oxytocin.

Large amounts of this hormone, often referred to as the “love hormone,” are released in a woman’s brain during certain times, particularly during childbirth.

The hormone helps to facilitate birth and plays a very large role in the maternal bonding between mother and child.

Oxytocin is also released in large doses in a woman’s brain during sexual intercourse, resulting in a level of bonding with her partner and feelings of trust and empathy.

This is a beautiful, natural bonding process women undergo during and after sex.

But It Comes With 1 Major Problem…

Men don’t experience this release of oxytocin in the brain during sex like women do.

So, ladies, your man just simply does not have the same physiological reaction to sexual behavior.

He doesn’t need to bond any further post-orgasm. He doesn’t have that burst of empathy in his brain, so he may not have a desire to hold you in his arms and listen to your innermost thoughts. He may feel sexual pleasure and relationship satisfaction, but it may not translate into cuddling close to you.

On the contrary, many men experience a very different sensation from physical intimacy. Your man may actually feel the need to pull away after sexual activity.

Yes, sometimes men feel a deep need to pull away after sex in order to regain their autonomy and reconnect with themselves on a more masculine level.

Men go through a type of intimacy cycle we women do not cycle through. It’s hard to understand or relate to what they experience because it is so different.

Men, by nature, can feel an innate need to pull away from women periodically after experiencing intimacy.

Just like it’s natural for women to want to get closer to her partner after being intimate, it’s just as natural for men to want to pull away for a while.

All men are different, of course. Some will pull away right then in the moment and avoid cuddling as if fearing an emotional connection. Maybe they’re more interested in sex positions and a quick orgasm than pillow talk and relationship health. If they’re accustomed to casual sex, a cuddle session is likely not their thing.

Other men may remain close and intimate for a minute or two before feeling the need to disappear to regain his sense of self outside of his sexual desire. Don’t take it personally.

No Matter the Man, the Cycle is Present

A man is not typically the ideal cuddle partner. And the sooner you start to recognize and accept this intimacy cycle, the easier (and more fulfilling) your sexual relationships with men will be.

Realizing, understanding, and accepting how a man experiences intimacy is only half the battle. Knowing what to do in the face of this situation is the other half.

Here’s What You Do Instead of Cuddle

If you’re currently in a relationship with a man, talk to him about this intimacy difference. Explain to him your new knowledge and see if he can relate to these differences. Decide together how you can both have your intimacy needs met.

For example, you might request he cuddle with you for a finite period of time after sex, perhaps 5 to 10 minutes. Then he can have his space.

Always remember there are two people in your relationship and your partner’s needs are just as important as your needs.

So, if you request that he cuddle with you after sex, what can you offer to do for him in return that doesn’t always come “natural” to you?

Asking him to share his perspective on cuddling and what he needs or wants from you can shed light on your relationship and sexual health.

Couples who discuss their sex life by themselves or with a therapist will have the opportunity to correct an intimacy issue and avoid potential problems in the future.

If you’re not in a relationship, bring up the topic of cuddling while on a date and see how the guy responds.

Not only will you impress your date with your knowledge about the physiological differences between men and woman, but you’ll also intrigue him with your generosity and ability to view a relationship from both sides, which will be very attractive to a commitment-oriented man!

Ladies, if you have you experienced cuddling issues with your partner, different things can help increase physical intimacy. Below, you’ll find related articles on sexual desire and relationship satisfaction to underscore what you can do to support a healthy relationship with your boyfriend.

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