I Want to Contact Her One More Time. Which Approach Do I Take?

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Written by: Dr. Wendy Walsh

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Known as America's Relationship Expert, Dr. Wendy Walsh is an award-winning television journalist, radio host & podcaster, and the author of three books on relationships and thousands of print and digital articles. More than 1.5 million people follow her sage advice on social media. She holds a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology and teaches in the Psychology Department at California State University Channel Islands and has been the host of "The Dr. Wendy Walsh Show" on iHeart Radio's KFI AM 640 since 2015. Walsh is also a former Emmy-nominated co-host of "The Doctors," as well as former host of the nationally syndicated show "EXTRA." She was named a Time Magazine Person of the Year in 2017 after speaking out about harassment at a major news network.

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Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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Reader Question:

I was seeing this girl for few months. She has been very inconsistent by sending me mixed signals. I guess this is mainly due to her last BAD breakup experience, which she still has not fully recovered. We had a big fight and I told her I need to move on.

After a month, I text her once mainly just to say hi. I didn’t ask her out because I want to let us both cool down. However, I do plan to try one more time. Currently I have two approaches:

1. Contact her two to three weeks later and ask her to have lunch or coffee.
2. Don’t contact her until her birthday. I will call her to say happy birthday and ask her out for a lunch or coffee. I will also get her a small but thoughtful present.

-Bill C. (Iowa)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

Forget the sneaky game playing. Deal with this now. Avoiding conflict is not the same as resolving a conflict. If you had a fight, the issues won’t go away because you took a break and then sent her a gift.

Call her now. Tell her you’d like to talk about what happened and work to restoring your friendship. Tell her you don’t have to be more than friends for now but you’d like to better understand what happened.

If she isn’t interested in this, then she isn’t interested in developing a relationship.

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