I’m Afraid I’ve Appeared Distant. What Should I Do?

Rachel Dack

Written by: Rachel Dack

Rachel Dack

Rachel Dack is a licensed clinical professional counselor (LCPC) and relationship coach specializing in individual and couples psychotherapy. Rachel's areas of expertise include relationships, dating, mindfulness, anxiety, depression and self-esteem.

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Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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Reader Question:

I’ve got a bit of a crush on a co-worker. I talked with her about getting lunch. Unfortunately, we both had different times on our calendar, and I ended up being more than an hour late.

A few weeks later, she invited me and two other guys from the office out to drinks with her (and her friends). I, unfortunately, had to decline because of a business meeting.

Then I asked her out to drinks and she responded, “I’m heading to the city this weekend or else I would totally grab drinks.”

I feel like things are going at a very friendly pace, but I’m afraid I’ve appeared distant/busy/occupied, which is not my intention.

Any ideas?

-John (Maryland)

Rachel Dack’s Answer:

Hey John,

Sounds like an unfortunate chain of events where you kept missing each other and were not available at the same time, but have no worries. You can absolutely show her you are interested by making an effort now.

Resist beating yourself up for any missed opportunities. Show her you are interested and care by trying to put something else on the calendar and continuing to communicate with her.

I also suggest not making a big deal of the past, but rather focus on keeping the connection going in the present. The hope is you can resolidify what you feel toward her and let the relationship develop naturally after making it clear you do want to see her outside of work.

If you are attentive, articulate and available with your time and energy, she will likely catch on.

Take care,


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