I’m Introverted. How Do the Quiet Meet New People?

Dr. Wendy Walsh
Dr. Wendy Walsh Updated:
Discuss This! Discuss This!

Reader Question:

I’m 30 years old. I’m a decent-looking guy with a decent lifestyle. I’d certainly say I am introverted initially, but once I get to know someone, I am definitely a chit-chatter. I’ve never had a girlfriend. After a very, very, very short string of women who could tolerate being around me for short lengths of time, I gave up.

Oddly enough, being completely void of any new women in my life for two full years was amazing. I just get bored of being alone all the time. Ninety-eight percent of my friends are married and incredibly boring.

How do the socially inept and quiet meet new people?

-Not a Real Name (Canada)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

The biggest message I got from your email is that your lack of a love relationship is affecting you self-worth. You describe previous girlfriends as “women who could tolerate you” and you end by saying you are “socially inept.” That breaks my heart.

Here’s the good news. Social skills can be learned and are taught to adults by all kinds of therapists. I highly suggest you get to the bottom of what you think might be scaring off women. It’s not fair that you should be alone.

And the other bit of advice is this: When we fear something (in this case, rejection by a woman), we tend to clam up even more.

I suggest you stop trying to meet women and instead get involved with group activities where plenty of women participate. Volunteer at any number of charities, join your neighborhood association, find a religion or yoga and meditation class.

Get out there, give back, and enjoy your life. Single women will notice.

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