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Dr. Wendy Walsh
I’m 30 years old. I’m a decent-looking guy with a decent lifestyle. I’d certainly say I am introverted initially, but once I get to know someone, I am definitely a chit-chatter. I’ve never had a girlfriend. After a very, very, very short string of women who could tolerate being around me for short lengths of time, I gave up.
Oddly enough, being completely void of any new women in my life for two full years was amazing. I just get bored of being alone all the time. Ninety-eight percent of my friends are married and incredibly boring.
How do the socially inept and quiet meet new people?
-Not a Real Name (Canada)
The biggest message I got from your email is that your lack of a love relationship is affecting you self-worth. You describe previous girlfriends as “women who could tolerate you” and you end by saying you are “socially inept.” That breaks my heart.
Here’s the good news. Social skills can be learned and are taught to adults by all kinds of therapists. I highly suggest you get to the bottom of what you think might be scaring off women. It’s not fair that you should be alone.
And the other bit of advice is this: When we fear something (in this case, rejection by a woman), we tend to clam up even more.
I suggest you stop trying to meet women and instead get involved with group activities where plenty of women participate. Volunteer at any number of charities, join your neighborhood association, find a religion or yoga and meditation class.
Get out there, give back, and enjoy your life. Single women will notice.
No counseling or psychotherapy advice: The Site does not provide psychotherapy advice. The Site is intended only for use by consumers in search of general information of interest pertaining to problems people may face as individuals and in relationships and related topics. Content is not intended to replace or serve as substitute for professional consultation or service. Contained observations and opinions should not be misconstrued as specific counseling advice.