Reader Question:
I’m 18. I lost my first girlfriend. She broke up with me because I was a little clingy. We’d only been together for two months. Even though it was a short time, I fell in love with her.
She doesn’t want me calling or texting her. She told me she has a new boyfriend. I almost cried. I want her back, but at the same time, I don’t want to mess up someone else’s relationship.
What do I do?
-Marcus (Alabama)
Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:
Dear Marcus,
I’ll tell you this: Every person’s first love stays in their heart. You are going through a rite of passage that nearly all human beings experience.
Your first breakup hurts like heck, but besides being painful, this is a great opportunity to ask yourself what you learned.
I hope you learned love can feel absolutely beautiful, you are lovable and you can be a caring person.
You probably also learned you cannot control another person and maybe too many expressions of love early on can scare someone, especially someone who is a bit afraid of closeness.
Most of all, do not lose faith in love. Humans are wired to bond and secure attachments are good for our health.
You are right not to intrude on other people’s relationships. Those ethics tell me you have compassion – the foundation of healthy love.
I beg you to trust this process. When you are hurting the most, you are growing the most.
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