She Refuses to Text/Call First. Do I Always Have to Start the Conversation?

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Written by: Dr. Wendy Walsh

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Known as America's Relationship Expert, Dr. Wendy Walsh is an award-winning television journalist, radio host & podcaster, and the author of three books on relationships and thousands of print and digital articles. More than 1.5 million people follow her sage advice on social media. She holds a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology and teaches in the Psychology Department at California State University Channel Islands and has been the host of "The Dr. Wendy Walsh Show" on iHeart Radio's KFI AM 640 since 2015. Walsh is also a former Emmy-nominated co-host of "The Doctors," as well as former host of the nationally syndicated show "EXTRA." She was named a Time Magazine Person of the Year in 2017 after speaking out about harassment at a major news network.

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Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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Reader Question:

We’ve been talking and stuff for a while, not official, but we’ve already had that initial first date and first few chats (it’s been a month). She refuses to text/call me first. I don’t want her to think I’m clingy, nor do I want her to think she has complete control and she can ignore me for days and I’ll always come running.

She has hinted she won’t text/call the guy first before, but I’ve never dated someone who actually DIDN’T do it at least once.

Do I always need to start the conversation with someone I’m “talking” to?

-Adam (California)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:


At this point, you do.

Here’s a little biology lesson: Sperm chases egg. Not the reverse.

In the early stages of dating, men will do more chasing if the woman is worth it. If you are being received with a happy voice on the other end of the phone, that is enough of an indication she is interested.

Don’t worry. Take things slowly. Change up your pattern. Take a few days off between calls. Make her wonder if you are losing interest. Be cool. Contain yourself. The dance only happens once in each relationship.

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