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You may have noticed in your daily life that miscommunications abound. You misinterpret a look, someone’s sense of humor or a turn of phrase.
Unfortunately, everyone operates with an invisible road map in their heads of how they think other people should act, speak and communicate.
Needless to say, these road maps often point to our failed relationships because two people’s road maps just don’t match up and there’s no transparency in communication.
While there are some cultural norms that help curb some of these misunderstandings, there are too many people and personalities under the sun for us to operate like robots.
Online dating is its own subculture of communication and behavioral misunderstandings.
I’ve had the ability to talk to tons of online daters, both male and female, and how each of them thinks and interprets what someone else does online is an interesting case study to human behaviors.
While not everything is specific to every dater, here are some very common behaviors and their interpretations from the opposite sex.
“She looked at my profile first but didn’t wink or contact me. She must not be interested.”
The reality: She may be interested, but she wants you to notice her and contact her first.
The fix: Ladies, if you’re interested, at least leave a wink so a guy knows you’re welcoming. Guys, contact her anyway. You have nothing to lose.
“He keeps looking at my profile but not contacting me. Stalker?”
The reality: He forgot he looked at you before. You may have changed your primary photo, which caused him to not trigger that he’s been there before.
The fix: Guys, if you’ve looked at a profile and decided you weren’t interested for whatever reason, block or hide the profile so you don’t keep wasting time perusing someplace you’ve been before.
“He winked. I winked back. Then nothing!” or vice versa “I winked. He winked back. Now what?”
The reality: Fellas, if she winks, that’s your green light to email. Take it!
The fix: Stop relying on winks! Someone has got to email someone at some point regardless. Guys, generally she wants it to be you. Take your cues and email the ones who are kind enough to wink.
“I sent an email and she responded. Then I sent another one and nothing.”
The reality: Sometimes women respond just to be polite but aren’t actually interested. If she’s interested, she will keep going.
The fix: Ladies, if you’re not interested, either don’t respond or be clear in your response that you are not interested. You aren’t doing him any favors by replying vaguely.
Ladies, if you ARE interested, keep it going. Conversation is a two-way street.
“If a lady is going to respond to
anything, it’s an email over a wink.”
“He winked and I sent an email…nothing back.”
The reality: There’s no excuse for this except maybe his finger slipped. You can’t undo a wink, unfortunately.
The fix: Dudes, watch out for fat-fingering things you didn’t mean to. If you are interested and she sent you an email first, heavens to Betsy, reply!
“She emailed me first. She’s either desperate or something is wrong with her. I certainly don’t need to try hard for this.”
The reality: She doesn’t want to mess around with a bunch of game playing.
The fix: The only thing you should be is stoked. Meet this girl ASAP and see what she’s like in person. You don’t know a real thing about her before that point.
“He sent a wink. He’s lazy.”
The reality: He sent a wink rather than put the effort into a full message because he thinks you probably won’t return.
The fix: Guys, if a lady is going to respond to anything, it’s an email over a wink. Women get lots of winks but less good emails. If you’re really interested, compose an email.
The same goes for “favoriting” or “liking” or any other non-email techniques.
“I sent an email and got nothing back.”
The reality: She’s not interested, at least not right now.
The fix: You can circle back with a new email weeks later (maybe the timing just wasn’t right), but be emotionally prepared to move on. Get back up to bat, swing again and work on your messaging skills.