She Acted Like a Stranger After the First Date. What Should I Do?

Dr. Wendy Walsh
Dr. Wendy Walsh Updated:
Discuss This! Discuss This!

Reader Question:

I’m in my 50s and have not dated for a while. I recently met someone. We seemed to have a good time.

One problem is I was rather anxious at times. My social skills have declined, but she sensed it and understood. When I dropped her off at her home, she told me she liked being with me. When she left, she hugged me.

About three days later, I asked (by text) about getting some dinner. She text back, “No thank you” and “Maybe another night.” It was kind of cold – almost like we never even had that first date.

What should I do now?

-Steve (New York)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:


The biggest social skill that seems to have declined with you is your ability to dial a phone.

You lost so much information by opting for text. You would have known where you stood by her vocal tone and other conversations subjects on the phone. Instead you are left to protect any meaning you like on cold typed words.

You told me you felt anxious on the date and my suspicion is that feeling is what’s detecting a chill in her text.

My advice: Wait a week. Then pick up the phone. You’ll have much more info then.

No counseling or psychotherapy advice: The Site does not provide psychotherapy advice. The Site is intended only for use by consumers in search of general information of interest pertaining to problems people may face as individuals and in relationships and related topics. Content is not intended to replace or serve as substitute for professional consultation or service. Contained observations and opinions should not be misconstrued as specific counseling advice.