What Is Slow Love

Women's Dating

What is Slow Love?

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Written by: Dr. Wendy Walsh

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Known as America's Relationship Expert, Dr. Wendy Walsh is an award-winning television journalist, radio host & podcaster, and the author of three books on relationships and thousands of print and digital articles. More than 1.5 million people follow her sage advice on social media. She holds a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology and teaches in the Psychology Department at California State University Channel Islands and has been the host of "The Dr. Wendy Walsh Show" on iHeart Radio's KFI AM 640 since 2015. Walsh is also a former Emmy-nominated co-host of "The Doctors," as well as former host of the nationally syndicated show "EXTRA." She was named a Time Magazine Person of the Year in 2017 after speaking out about harassment at a major news network.

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Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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At this time of fast-paced life with technology moving faster than the human body and mind, slow movements are emerging all over the world.

First came the Slow Food Movement, which strives to stop mass high-tech agriculture and return to locally grown foods, family dinners and healthful tables. The slow movement then expanded to travel and design, advocating a cultural shift toward slowing life’s pace.

And in this era of sexts, texts and online speed dating, where relationships have become disposable, I advocate a brand of slow love.

Designed to nurture the human in all of us, who is capable of healthy bonding, slow love gives people the time and space for partners to explore deeper connections.

Slow love eliminates junk food sex and undefined relationships with blurry boundaries.

A delay in the onset of the sexual relationship.

The hallmark of slow love is a delay in the onset of the sexual relationship. Research supports the sooner to bed, the sooner to break up. Couples who have sex within 30 days of meeting have nearly a 90 percent chance the relationship will be disposed of within one year.

When couples give each other the space to really get to know each other before the sudden onset of delusional sex hormones, an emotional bond can be created.

And it is that emotional bond that becomes the glue in long-term love.


“Slow love supports a wide

range of sexual behaviors.”

Self awareness.

The second tenant of slow love is self awareness about one’s own relationship needs and boundaries. We can’t expect the environment to provide emotional nutrition if we don’t know what we are looking for.

As part of the exercise in self awareness, practitioners of slow love will learn kind, compassionate ways to say no to premature sex and erect their own safe emotional boundaries. Then they are advised to open up in stages as trust is built.

Reduction in the use of technology.

The third aspect of slow love is a reduction in the use of technology to build and maintain relationships and a preference for phone time and face time.

Especially important is the need to cure addictions to digital pornography that are making men less attracted to real-life sex and are making women adopt a male model of sexuality that may run contrary to their biology.

Slow love offers a respect for gender biology.

Practitioners acknowledge that heterosexual men and women have differing biological potentials and their sexual behavior is designed to compliment each other rather than mimic each other.

This is very different from biological determinism. Slow love supports a wide range of sexual behaviors and orientations for each gender.

But it asks both men and women, in their goal to be self-aware, to respect that some people bond through sex. Others bond through trust. And both can be built through slow love.

Good food takes time to grow and make. Good relationships take even longer.

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