“Clap For Your Ex” – A Divorce Coach’s Motto For Overcoming Heartbreak With Power

The Short Version: Sara Davison has been a divorce coach for over 15 years. As someone who endured the pain of divorce firsthand, Sara knows how important it is to reclaim your power in the wake of heartbreak. She helps newly divorced people form their breakup support team and develop healthy coping mechanisms. Even more unique is her role as coach for other divorce coaches. Her one-of-a-kind training program at the International Divorce Coach Centre of Excellence has produced over 600 coaches in 27 countries. 

Sara Davison was crying on a beach when she had an epiphany. 

“I took a walk down Balmoral beach, which is a beautiful white beach … I sat there with tears streaming down my face, looking out, thinking, ‘I don’t know how much more of this pain I can take.’”

She was one year postpartum and dealing with her husband’s unexpected betrayal of having an affair. To make matters worse, her husband was her colleague — as was his mistress. Sara recalled being at her lowest on the beach in Australia. 

“My heart is shattered. I’m scared. I feel very alone. I’m completely humiliated and embarrassed,” she remembers thinking. 

And yet, even at this low moment, Sara had a life-changing realization. 

“It was at that moment I realized I had a choice,” she said. “I could either carry on the way I was going, and this would be a gray cloud that followed me around for the rest of my life. Or, I could step up and do something differently. And in that moment, my motto was born.” 

She decided to “clap for her ex”, or to move forward into her new single life with positivity. This motto shaped the rest of her life by setting her on a new career path as a divorce coach. 

We’ve all walked the strange, winding path of heartbreak. There have been times when I have felt like I’d rather be single forever than find myself heartbroken again. But with Sara’s help, we no longer have to travel the path alone. 

Before she helped her clients come to terms with their divorces, Sara had to come to terms with her own about 15 years ago. 

“I realized that you can turn your pain into your power if you step up,” she told us. “I wanted to take my power back.” And now, Sara is a divorce coach and author who teaches people how to turn their post-breakup pain into power. Her experience with heartache inspired her to found the International Divorce Coach Centre of Excellence. 

Sometimes, taking your power back means being the bigger person. “Clap for your ex” basically means you should adjust your perspective to be more positive and affirming. 

“Say, ‘Thank you for this opportunity. I’m going to feel grateful for this, because I’m going to go on a journey now where I’m going to have to grow. I’m going to have to get stronger. I’m going to have to deep dive into this pain and figure out a way through. Screw you, watch this,” Sara explained. 

Of course, this empowering attitude of defiance doesn’t always come easy in the early days of heartbreak. But it’s something that could be more healing than you’d think, especially if you feel stuck in your pain. 

Sara told us these mantras gave her the power she needed to leave that beach and reclaim her place in her business, her family, and her life. “I’ve never looked back from that moment,” she said. 

When Sara decided to seek professional help to get her through the rougher aspects of divorce, she didn’t find what she wanted. She hoped for a personalized divorce coach who could operate as a counselor, an advisor, and as a support system, all in one. But she told us, “There was no book, no step-by-step guide, no coach that specialized in this kind of trauma.” 

So, using her newfound power, Sara decided to create the role she needed herself.

“My goal was to combine my coaching skills with the divorce process to figure out how I was going to deal with the betrayal… Creating the tools and techniques to get me through is why I published my first book.” 

Her book “Uncoupling: How to Survive and Thrive After Breakup and Divorce” became a bestseller. Its success confirmed what Sara already knew: People were desperate for personalized support from divorce coaches who have endured the same pain. 

Today, she helps more than 50,000 Instagram followers come to terms with their heartbreak. 

“My mission (was to) help as many people around the world as I possibly could cope better with any kind of breakup, divorce, or toxic relationship breakdown, narcissistic abuse, and domestic abuse.” 

When you’re dealing with divorce, you stand to lose half of your income, your home, and maybe even custody of your children. Sara experienced this firsthand, which is why she encourages her clients to create a breakup support team. 

A breakup support team is a group of people who can help you cope with from the logistical and emotional aspects of divorce. 

What do you worry about most when you fall asleep at night? Whatever these worries are, Sara recommends keeping them in mind if you ever have to create a breakup support team. 

“A lot of people are scared about the financial future just because separating two lifestyles can be extremely expensive,” she pointed out. “Create your breakup support team to make sure that you can dial down the intensity of those sleepless nights,” she said. 

Sara recommends asking a financially prudent friend to help you budget for your new future. A legal advisor, whether a friend or someone you’d have to hire, could also come in handy, particularly if divorce is on the horizon. 

It might surprise you to learn that the breakup support group lends a helping hand at the gym as well. People can connect with an exercise buddy, who Sara says can act as a confidant and as a motivator. When all you want to do is burrow under the covers, it can help to have a friend who can pull you out. 

“You’d need some friends and family, but not your friend who wants to come around and chop up all (of your ex’s) clothes and burn them because it doesn’t actually help you,” Sara advised. “You need someone who can give you constructive advice and is not emotionally involved in this situation.” 

She emphasized the importance of having a breakup or divorce coach, like herself, help you through the toughest days. “A general coach or general therapist might be able to add massive value. But a specialist can really fast-track you through these really tough moments.” 

Divorce is as much about grief as it is about reclaiming power. Even if it’s for the best, you still lose a partner and a way of life. 

“I’d lost the father of my son, my husband, who I thought was my best friend and my soulmate, but was also my business partner. And that was a huge life change,” Sara told us. 

Still, her marriage’s breakdown had less to do with her and more to do with infidelity on her partner’s part. “I did a lot of ugly crying on the bathroom floor,” she told us. 

When you struggle to reclaim your power in the wake of divorce, coping mechanisms can help you come to terms faster. 

As Sara told us that sex, drinking, partying, and smoking are all understandable reactions to pain and heartbreak, but they’re not exactly constructive. “It’s not selfish to look after yourself,” Sara reminded us. “We’ve got to look at what works for you and have some healthy self-care routines.” 

The early days of a breakup are perfect for establishing new coping mechanisms and healthy habits. Journaling and artistic projects are great for emotional self-work. Stretching a creative muscle can be more emotionally cathartic than you might think. So can exercising or trying out a new sport. 

By challenging your body and staying active, you also challenge your brain to focus on your body in the moment. In other words, you focus on the present and the future, not on the pains of the past. When you’re in touch with your body, you’re in touch with your feelings. 

Connecting with nature is another great way to get moving, see new things, and feel more motivated. Go on walks, hikes, and excursions that get you out of your comfort zone. The key is to establish new routines that prove you can, in fact, move on. 

In the wake of divorce, one way of life ends as another begins. Establishing new routines that enrich and nourish your body and soul is the best way to prove to yourself that you can not only survive but thrive after a divorce. 

“That’s what my coaching school is all about,” Sara explained. “Helping people to take their power back and create fast, positive transformations.”