Reader Question:
I’m a 45-year-old divorced female with two teenagers. Recently I began a relationship with an old high school friend. It seems that once I let my guard down, he became distant and started spending less time with me. Now he is working out of state and said he doesn’t think I could handle him being away all the time working. I told him I could but only if he wanted it to work. He said he does. But now he isn’t contacting me at all. I’m not contacting him either.
What do I do?
-Tammi (Illinois)
Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:
Tammi,
What should you do? Sadly, exactly what you are doing. Don’t contact him. I wish more people could be honest, but here is another case where, instead of breaking up, they tell their lover why they wouldn’t be right for them.
When he said, “You can’t handle me being away all the time,” he was really saying, “Here’s a great excuse to exit the relationship.”
And don’t blame yourself for this breakup. Too many guys move fast with single mothers and then stop to reconsider (usually after they have obtained an orgasm) all the ramifications of a long-term relationship with three people.
I know your kids are older but you are still a family, and that scares off an irresponsible man.
Next time around, still let your emotional guard down so you can grow some intimacy, but don’t let your physical guard down until you are sure this guy has enough backbone to be a real partner.
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