His Friend is Too “Friendly.” Should I Just Ignore It?

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Written by: Dr. Wendy Walsh

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Known as America's Relationship Expert, Dr. Wendy Walsh is an award-winning television journalist, radio host & podcaster, and the author of three books on relationships and thousands of print and digital articles. More than 1.5 million people follow her sage advice on social media. She holds a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology and teaches in the Psychology Department at California State University Channel Islands and has been the host of "The Dr. Wendy Walsh Show" on iHeart Radio's KFI AM 640 since 2015. Walsh is also a former Emmy-nominated co-host of "The Doctors," as well as former host of the nationally syndicated show "EXTRA." She was named a Time Magazine Person of the Year in 2017 after speaking out about harassment at a major news network.

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Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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Reader Question:

I have been going out with my boyfriend for three and a half years. He has a friend he is close to. I heard she flirts with my boyfriend and tells him she loves him, but he does not add on to her flirting.

I don’t like her because of the fact she is “too friendly.” I have confronted my boyfriend about it, but he just gets mad at me and it ends up becoming an argument.

Should I just ignore this?

-Aubrey (California)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

Dear Aubrey,

The issue here has less to do with the other woman’s behavior, which you can’t really control anyway, and more to do with your boyfriend’s reaction to your expressing concern.

His anger could be because of one of the following:

  1. You express your feelings in a confrontational way that invites a defensive reaction.
  2. Your boyfriend also does not know how to control this woman and his frustration in dealing with a brewing cat fight makes him angry.
  3. He may feel guilty that he is encouraging her (or worse!) and anger is his defense against that guilt.
  4. You have a tendency toward expressing jealousy that he is fed up with.

The first step to solving this is for you to examine the two choices you have control over.

Are you asking in an angry way, and do you have irrational jealousies? If both of those don’t pass the snuff test, then you may consider the other two.

Truly, some guys get very confused about the complexities of female emotions and he may just be frustrated because he doesn’t know what to do.

Finally, you might also ask yourself what is going on in your relationship that makes you muster insecurities. At the three-and-a-half year mark, you may be interested in a firmer commitment.

I think there’s more to your feelings than just a spat over a flirty girl.

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