The Unintentional Threesome: How to Date a Mama’s Boy

There comes a time in most relationships when your boyfriend turns to you and asks if he can bring another woman into the mix.

No, he’s not talking about your hot friend or the sexy waitress at the cafe. He’s talking about his mother.

We all love when the guy we are seeing finally introduces us to his mother. It shows a sign of trust, stability and commitment in the relationship.

But what happens when your twosome relationship turns into an unintentional threesome? Even if you love your present or future mother-in-law, sometimes the situation can become overbearing. But have no fear, there are several ways to adjust and overcome it.

The quickest way to adapt to his relationship with his mother is to determine what type of mama’s boy he is. Is he the initiator? Whether it’s a phone call or weekend getaway, does he initiate most of the interactions with his mom? Is he always comparing? Does he constantly compare everything you do or say to his mother? Is he a man-child? This one is the easiest to spot. Does his mother still do all his laundry and cooking? Knowing what type of mama’s boy you are dating will help you come up with strategies to make it in the long run.

If your guy is an initiator, don’t force change in the relationship. Too many times women try to change certain qualities about their boyfriend or husband’s relationship with his mother but to no avail. More than likely, he’s had his relationship with his mother his whole life, and he’ll continue to have that relationship with or without you. Let change happen naturally with subtle techniques.

Encourage change by suggesting your boyfriend and his mom try different activities in order to break them out of their routine. Offer to host Taco Tuesdays at your place instead of his mom’s and cook the meal, which will allow you to have more control of the situation. Force the ball to be in your court.

If he likes to compare you to his mom, surprise him more often. Show him you have different sides to your personality. Once every few months, surprise him with a day date into town or a night in with no TV, cell phones or Internet. Surprises will give you two alone time, and he won’t have time to fit his mother in to the schedule. Maybe have him make the date plans for that weekend. This will remind him he is an adult and it feels good to make decisions on his own.

If he’s a man-child, arrange alone time with mommy dearest. If you have one-on-one time with her, you have an opportunity to see who she really is without the mothering aspect. What are her interests? Is there something she always meant to do but was too busy being a mom to go for it? Take her somewhere she’s always wanted to go but never had the chance to. You might find out some things about her you didn’t know.

“Some bonds are not

meant to be broken.”

If you only focus on the negative aspects of his mother or their relationship, this will cause tension for everyone involved. Only putting emphasis on the negative tends to make people defensive. Remind him of all the good things you like about his mom and why she’s so great. Also, acknowledge times when he breaks free of his mom, even if it’s just for a little bit, to show him you appreciate his consideration of your special time together.

Sit down with your guy and have a serious conversation about the things you are willing to compromise on and what is non-negotiable. Do you hate when his mom rearranges your kitchen? Tell him. Determine which dynamics of the relationship need improvement. Maybe all it takes is to say, “Let’s leave Sunday nights for us.” Putting reasonable boundaries on the threesome will show him how important improving the relationship is to you.

If it comes to the point where you are unhappy and unsatisfied not only with the relationship with your boyfriend, but also his relationship with his mother, then it’s time to accept it and move on. Some bonds are not meant to be broken, and if you realize you are the only one putting in any effort, you’re only hurting yourself by staying in the relationship.

While it’s great to find someone who is close with his mother, the combination doesn’t always work for everyone. Try some of these tips and see if you find one that works for your situation.