How Long Should You Wait Before Having Sex

Women's Dating

How Long Should You Wait Before Having Sex?

Bethany Heinesh

Written by: Bethany Heinesh

Bethany Heinesh

Bethany has ghost-written hundreds of dating articles in the last 10 years for relationship experts all over the United States.

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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We live in a fast-paced world where everything is moving more and more quickly, with people growing more and more impatient. The world seems to be saying, “Hurry up and move it or you’ll get run over!” This is especially true when it comes to sex and intimacy. We are inundated with messages that suggest sex is supposed to be fast and easy and intimacy should come quickly and with little effort.

There are no set rules when it comes to how long you should wait to have sex. Every relationship, every couple and every situation is different. Some people have sex on the first date, others hold off for months, and some even wait to marry before they are physically intimate. There is no protocol or proper etiquette to follow when it comes to deciding if it’s time to have sex. If there was, it would sure make things easier!

How do you really know when it’s time to take your relationship to the next level? Since there are no black or white answers, and the decision is ultimately one you will have to make on your own, asking yourself the following questions will help you determine if you are ready to have sex with your partner for the first time.

1. Are you having sex for the right reasons?

You should only have sex when you are completely ready, not because you feel pressured. Women often make the terrible mistake of believing sex will help them keep a man or save a relationship. In reality, sex can really complicate matters. Always keep in mind sex was designed to be an expression of loving, caring feelings between a man and a woman. This means loving, caring feelings should precede sex. No matter how fantastic, sex cannot make someone love you or keep you and your feuding partner together.

2. Will you respect yourself in the morning?

Always, always, always ask yourself this question before you decide to have sex with someone. If you have drunken sex after a night of partying, you will likely regret it in the morning. If sex with someone goes against your own values, you will probably wish you hadn’t done it when it’s over. Sex should never make you feel bad about yourself or put you in a situation where your own morals or principles are in jeopardy.


“If you think he will lose respect

for you, you should wait.”

3. Do you feel safe and comfortable with this person?

Getting naked with someone and allowing them to get that close can be scary because you are putting yourself in a compromising position. You should have some level of trust the other person is going to respect you and handle you with care in the bedroom.

Will they stop if you change your mind halfway through? Do you feel confident they won’t make any derogatory remarks about that birthmark you’re so insecure about? Having sex with someone opens the door to an entirely new realm of intimacy and risk. You need to be ready to accept what could happen when you walk through it.

4. What do you know about this person’s sexual history?

You should never, ever, ever have sex with someone if you have any indication they have been reckless with their sex life. It is highly recommended you and your partner get checked out by a doctor before you stumble blindly into a situation that could be harmful to your health.

5. Would you introduce this person to your parents?

If the answer is no, it’s probably a good indicator you are not having sex for the right reasons. Mutual respect should be present among both parties before you agree to have sex. Deciding whether they are worthy of meeting mom and dad will help you determine if you have that kind of respect for them.

6. Would you be willing to raise a child with this person?

This question really puts things into perspective. If you are not able to see past the sex and envision raising a child with this person, you might want to reconsider. This is not to say you must be 100 percent ready to have a baby with your partner. It just means you recognize that it might happen and, if it did, you wouldn’t hate yourself for choosing someone so lacking of character to be your child’s parent.

7. What do you think will happen once you have sex?

If you think he will lose respect for you, or if you know he will see you as just another sexual conquest, you should wait. Sex should enhance your relationship and bring you closer together. It should be mutually beneficial and pleasurable. If you are concerned as to whether they will call you in the morning, take a moment to step back and reassess the situation.

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