I Feel the Spark is Gone. Is He Too Comfortable Already?

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Written by: Dr. Wendy Walsh

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Known as America's Relationship Expert, Dr. Wendy Walsh is an award-winning television journalist, radio host & podcaster, and the author of three books on relationships and thousands of print and digital articles. More than 1.5 million people follow her sage advice on social media. She holds a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology and teaches in the Psychology Department at California State University Channel Islands and has been the host of "The Dr. Wendy Walsh Show" on iHeart Radio's KFI AM 640 since 2015. Walsh is also a former Emmy-nominated co-host of "The Doctors," as well as former host of the nationally syndicated show "EXTRA." She was named a Time Magazine Person of the Year in 2017 after speaking out about harassment at a major news network.

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Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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Reader Question:

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about three months. He stays at my house all the time when he isn’t working, even though I’ve told him we shouldn’t spend so much time together. I feel like the spark is already gone and I don’t know how to get it back.

Is he too comfortable already?

-Lisa C. (Georgia)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

In a word, yes. Three months is such a short time for you two to have moved from first date, first kiss, first sex, and now practically LIVING TOGETHER. If you don’t slow things down, you could move to the last step fast – a breakup.

Throughout history women have controlled the pace of relationships. And the slower the sex, the longer the love. It seems you missed this memo, girlfriend.

My suggestion: Start to be a bit unavailable. Cut off the sleepovers unless they are a reward for a hot date. Train him to be a good boyfriend.

And consider this: Are you being too accommodating because you fear that strong boundaries will send him running for the hills? If so, maybe it’s time to check your own self-confidence meter. You have to love yourself first before you can truly love anyone else.


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