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Dr. Wendy Walsh
My boyfriend and I have been dating for about three months. He stays at my house all the time when he isn’t working, even though I’ve told him we shouldn’t spend so much time together. I feel like the spark is already gone and I don’t know how to get it back.
Is he too comfortable already?
-Lisa C. (Georgia)
In a word, yes. Three months is such a short time for you two to have moved from first date, first kiss, first sex, and now practically LIVING TOGETHER. If you don’t slow things down, you could move to the last step fast – a breakup.
Throughout history women have controlled the pace of relationships. And the slower the sex, the longer the love. It seems you missed this memo, girlfriend.
My suggestion: Start to be a bit unavailable. Cut off the sleepovers unless they are a reward for a hot date. Train him to be a good boyfriend.
And consider this: Are you being too accommodating because you fear that strong boundaries will send him running for the hills? If so, maybe it’s time to check your own self-confidence meter. You have to love yourself first before you can truly love anyone else.
No counseling or psychotherapy advice: The Site does not provide psychotherapy advice. The Site is intended only for use by consumers in search of general information of interest pertaining to problems people may face as individuals and in relationships and related topics. Content is not intended to replace or serve as substitute for professional consultation or service. Contained observations and opinions should not be misconstrued as specific counseling advice.