I Found Out About Another Girl. What Should I Do?

Dr. Wendy Walsh
Dr. Wendy Walsh Updated:
Discuss This! Discuss This!
Advertiser Disclosure

Reader Question:

I’m dating a man who is 11 years older than me. I’m 23. We have been dealing with each other for a year and six months, and he claims I’m the only girl he’s dealing with.

He doesn’t want a relationship because he’s trying to build a foundation and get life situated.

Recently I found out about a girl through a social network. He claims she’s an old girl he used to mess with. She comments on his pictures (calling him baby).

What should I do?

-Jazmin (New York)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

Dear Jazmin,

May I respectfully ask what “dealing with” means? Because if it means what I think it means, that you are dealing with his genitalia here, then I am sorry to inform you that you have lost this particular game.

Men don’t fall in love through sex. They can have sex with the same woman for months or years and not like her one bit better than they did on the first night.

Women, on the other hand, tend to bond through sex because their bodies blossom with the bonding hormone oxytocin during sex.

This guy has been very honest with you. He’s not ready. And when he does finally get his life “situated,” my suspicion is he’ll also feel ready for a challenging women who has her own life “situated.”

When he reaches whatever financial place he wants to be in, let me assure you it is highly likely he will trade up on his relationship, too.

My advice: Bolt now. Go find a man who gives you the love you deserve BEFORE you two start “dealing with each other.”


No counseling or psychotherapy advice: The Site does not provide psychotherapy advice. The Site is intended only for use by consumers in search of general information of interest pertaining to problems people may face as individuals and in relationships and related topics. Content is not intended to replace or serve as substitute for professional consultation or service. Contained observations and opinions should not be misconstrued as specific counseling advice.

Advertiser Disclosure

DatingAdvice.com is a free online resource that offers valuable content and comparison services to users. To keep this resource 100% free, we receive compensation from many of the offers listed on the site. Along with key review factors, this compensation may impact how and where products appear across the site (including, for example, the order in which they appear). DatingAdvice.com does not include the entire universe of available offers. Editorial opinions expressed on the site are strictly our own and are not provided, endorsed, or approved by advertisers.

Our Editorial Review Policy

Our site is committed to publishing independent, accurate content guided by strict editorial guidelines. Before articles and reviews are published on our site, they undergo a thorough review process performed by a team of independent editors and subject-matter experts to ensure the content’s accuracy, timeliness, and impartiality. Our editorial team is separate and independent of our site’s advertisers, and the opinions they express on our site are their own. To read more about our team members and their editorial backgrounds, please visit our site’s About page.