I Found Out About Another Girl. What Should I Do?

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Written by: Dr. Wendy Walsh

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Known as America's Relationship Expert, Dr. Wendy Walsh is an award-winning television journalist, radio host & podcaster, and the author of three books on relationships and thousands of print and digital articles. More than 1.5 million people follow her sage advice on social media. She holds a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology and teaches in the Psychology Department at California State University Channel Islands and has been the host of "The Dr. Wendy Walsh Show" on iHeart Radio's KFI AM 640 since 2015. Walsh is also a former Emmy-nominated co-host of "The Doctors," as well as former host of the nationally syndicated show "EXTRA." She was named a Time Magazine Person of the Year in 2017 after speaking out about harassment at a major news network.

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Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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Reader Question:

I’m dating a man who is 11 years older than me. I’m 23. We have been dealing with each other for a year and six months, and he claims I’m the only girl he’s dealing with.

He doesn’t want a relationship because he’s trying to build a foundation and get life situated.

Recently I found out about a girl through a social network. He claims she’s an old girl he used to mess with. She comments on his pictures (calling him baby).

What should I do?

-Jazmin (New York)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

Dear Jazmin,

May I respectfully ask what “dealing with” means? Because if it means what I think it means, that you are dealing with his genitalia here, then I am sorry to inform you that you have lost this particular game.

Men don’t fall in love through sex. They can have sex with the same woman for months or years and not like her one bit better than they did on the first night.

Women, on the other hand, tend to bond through sex because their bodies blossom with the bonding hormone oxytocin during sex.

This guy has been very honest with you. He’s not ready. And when he does finally get his life “situated,” my suspicion is he’ll also feel ready for a challenging women who has her own life “situated.”

When he reaches whatever financial place he wants to be in, let me assure you it is highly likely he will trade up on his relationship, too.

My advice: Bolt now. Go find a man who gives you the love you deserve BEFORE you two start “dealing with each other.”

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