Reader Question:
I’m dating a man who is 11 years older than me. I’m 23. We have been dealing with each other for a year and six months, and he claims I’m the only girl he’s dealing with.
He doesn’t want a relationship because he’s trying to build a foundation and get life situated.
Recently I found out about a girl through a social network. He claims she’s an old girl he used to mess with. She comments on his pictures (calling him baby).
What should I do?
-Jazmin (New York)
Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:
Dear Jazmin,
May I respectfully ask what “dealing with” means? Because if it means what I think it means, that you are dealing with his genitalia here, then I am sorry to inform you that you have lost this particular game.
Men don’t fall in love through sex. They can have sex with the same woman for months or years and not like her one bit better than they did on the first night.
Women, on the other hand, tend to bond through sex because their bodies blossom with the bonding hormone oxytocin during sex.
This guy has been very honest with you. He’s not ready. And when he does finally get his life “situated,” my suspicion is he’ll also feel ready for a challenging women who has her own life “situated.”
When he reaches whatever financial place he wants to be in, let me assure you it is highly likely he will trade up on his relationship, too.
My advice: Bolt now. Go find a man who gives you the love you deserve BEFORE you two start “dealing with each other.”
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