Reader Question:
I’ve fallen in love with a man that does not want to be in a relationship. We separated for a while, but lately I started to ask him out. We went out once and had a great time. We were intimate.
Then I saw a pic of an ex-lover in his truck. I called him on it and he went back to the “I don’t want to have to answer to anyone” routine.
I thought if I took things VERY slow and gave him lots of space, he’d be more comfortable. I’ve heard he wants nothing romantic with this girl, but she’s constantly posting pictures. This is the second time her habits have caused us issues.
What do I do now?
-Nina (Florida)
Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:
Dear, dear Nina,
You suffer from that dreaded love disease I call “Female Nurturer Syndrome.”
The affliction takes perfectly rational women and causes delusions that if they can just nurture a relationship long enough and sprinkle a noncommittal man with magical fairy dust, he will suddenly turn into a solid boyfriend.
I’m sorry I have to give you this painful medicine without a spoonful of sugar, but here goes:
This man does not want a relationship with you or perhaps anyone else. But he does want sex and the contact.
And hanging around to see if he changes won’t work. In fact, the only thin thread of chance that it will work is to give him an ultimatum and cut off all contact until he promises to make a commitment to you.
Don’t worry about the other woman. She’s got a different version of the disease called “I’ll put public pressure on him by posting photos.” She’s sure to fail too, by the way.
So grab a glass of water, girlfriend. It’s time to swallow this bitter pill:
MOVE ON. HE’S WASTING YOUR TIME. YOU’VE MADE HIM A PRIORITY AND HE HAS MADE YOU HIS OPTION.
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