I’m in Love with a Man Who Doesn’t Want a Relationship. What Do I Do?

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Written by: Dr. Wendy Walsh

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Known as America's Relationship Expert, Dr. Wendy Walsh is an award-winning television journalist, radio host & podcaster, and the author of three books on relationships and thousands of print and digital articles. More than 1.5 million people follow her sage advice on social media. She holds a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology and teaches in the Psychology Department at California State University Channel Islands and has been the host of "The Dr. Wendy Walsh Show" on iHeart Radio's KFI AM 640 since 2015. Walsh is also a former Emmy-nominated co-host of "The Doctors," as well as former host of the nationally syndicated show "EXTRA." She was named a Time Magazine Person of the Year in 2017 after speaking out about harassment at a major news network.

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Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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Reader Question:

I’ve fallen in love with a man that does not want to be in a relationship. We separated for a while, but lately I started to ask him out. We went out once and had a great time. We were intimate.

Then I saw a pic of an ex-lover in his truck. I called him on it and he went back to the “I don’t want to have to answer to anyone” routine.

I thought if I took things VERY slow and gave him lots of space, he’d be more comfortable. I’ve heard he wants nothing romantic with this girl, but she’s constantly posting pictures. This is the second time her habits have caused us issues.

What do I do now?

-Nina (Florida)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

Dear, dear Nina,

You suffer from that dreaded love disease I call “Female Nurturer Syndrome.”

The affliction takes perfectly rational women and causes delusions that if they can just nurture a relationship long enough and sprinkle a noncommittal man with magical fairy dust, he will suddenly turn into a solid boyfriend.

I’m sorry I have to give you this painful medicine without a spoonful of sugar, but here goes:

This man does not want a relationship with you or perhaps anyone else. But he does want sex and the contact.

And hanging around to see if he changes won’t work. In fact, the only thin thread of chance that it will work is to give him an ultimatum and cut off all contact until he promises to make a commitment to you.

Don’t worry about the other woman. She’s got a different version of the disease called “I’ll put public pressure on him by posting photos.” She’s sure to fail too, by the way.

So grab a glass of water, girlfriend. It’s time to swallow this bitter pill:


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