I’ve Become Close to Another Guy. How Do I Know Who is Right for Me?

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Written by: Dr. Wendy Walsh

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Known as America's Relationship Expert, Dr. Wendy Walsh is an award-winning television journalist, radio host & podcaster, and the author of three books on relationships and thousands of print and digital articles. More than 1.5 million people follow her sage advice on social media. She holds a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology and teaches in the Psychology Department at California State University Channel Islands and has been the host of "The Dr. Wendy Walsh Show" on iHeart Radio's KFI AM 640 since 2015. Walsh is also a former Emmy-nominated co-host of "The Doctors," as well as former host of the nationally syndicated show "EXTRA." She was named a Time Magazine Person of the Year in 2017 after speaking out about harassment at a major news network.

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Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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Reader Question:

I have been dating my current boyfriend for four years and was pretty happy with our relationship. Recently I have become really close to this other guy who is a friend. I constantly talk and think about him.

I know we both share feelings for each other, but neither of us has fully admitted to it because we know I am in a relationship already and that I still love and have feelings for my current boyfriend.

Is there a way to help figure out who is right for me in this situation?

-Ashley (Indiana)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

Torn between two men. It is the story of many a romantic comedy and classic novel. The heroine has a perfectly good enough boyfriend and in walks a dashing new man just to make her hot, bothered and totally confused. Rest assured, you, Miss Ashley, are not the first woman to struggle with this dilemma.

When I found myself in such a pickle, I would take pen to paper and write lists of pros and cons about each man, filling columns and columns and, well, becoming more confused. Because, frankly, it’s really impossible to compare familiar, stable and comfy to exciting, new and dangerous. They both have some alluring strong points.

I will tell you this: The relationship that is right for you is the one you have with yourself. Are you being the girlfriend you’d like to marry someday? Are you handling yourself in a manner that holds compassion for both men? Are you teasing the new man for no reason except your ego? Are you beginning to tell white lies to your boyfriend so you can get a chance to run into Mr-New-And-Exciting?

The relationship that is right for you is the one you make right. I’d start by making right with your conscience. Break up, if that’s what needs to happen. But don’t stay on the fence too long, or you might be pushed off and land on the prickly side.

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