I’ve Been Secretly Seeing My Boss. Can You Help Me?

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Written by: Dr. Wendy Walsh

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Known as America's Relationship Expert, Dr. Wendy Walsh is an award-winning television journalist, radio host & podcaster, and the author of three books on relationships and thousands of print and digital articles. More than 1.5 million people follow her sage advice on social media. She holds a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology and teaches in the Psychology Department at California State University Channel Islands and has been the host of "The Dr. Wendy Walsh Show" on iHeart Radio's KFI AM 640 since 2015. Walsh is also a former Emmy-nominated co-host of "The Doctors," as well as former host of the nationally syndicated show "EXTRA." She was named a Time Magazine Person of the Year in 2017 after speaking out about harassment at a major news network.

See full bio »

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

Discuss This! Discuss This!
Advertiser Disclosure

Reader Question:

I have been secretly seeing my boss at work. He says he’s 100 percent single. We went on an incredible first date.

I found out he’s really controlling, though. He’s really insecure and he has trust issues.

After our date, we both felt really strange that there was such a deep connection, so we decided to take it further. We kissed and then we slept together.

After that, he told me he wants to take it slow. He still calls me, texts me and always asks if everything is OK with me, but something feels off.

Can you help me?

-Anya (Pennsylvania)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

Dear Anya,

I’ll tell you what’s “off.” In fact, there are at least three things that are off about this relationship.

First of all, you had sex before you had any relationship definition.

Research shows couples who have sex within 30 days of dating or who have sex before sexual exclusivity is agreed upon have the worst relationship outcomes.

Secondly, his controlling and insecure personality doesn’t sound like the ideal boyfriend. It’s a little off that you are attracted to this.

Finally, he could be breaking the law because of his status as your superior in your place of employment.

His check-ins to see if you’re “OK” might be a way to gauge if you are feeling sexually harassed and might sue the company,

Even if you had sex consensually, it can still be construed as sexual harassment.

Here are your choices: dump him, get a relationship definition or get a lawyer.

Only you know what’s truly going on here. Ask your gut.

No counseling or psychotherapy advice: The Site does not provide psychotherapy advice. The Site is intended only for use by consumers in search of general information of interest pertaining to problems people may face as individuals and in relationships and related topics. Content is not intended to replace or serve as substitute for professional consultation or service. Contained observations and opinions should not be misconstrued as specific counseling advice.

Advertiser Disclosure

DatingAdvice.com is a free online resource that offers valuable content and comparison services to users. To keep this resource 100% free, we receive compensation from many of the offers listed on the site. Along with key review factors, this compensation may impact how and where products appear across the site (including, for example, the order in which they appear). DatingAdvice.com does not include the entire universe of available offers. Editorial opinions expressed on the site are strictly our own and are not provided, endorsed, or approved by advertisers.

Our Editorial Review Policy

Our site is committed to publishing independent, accurate content guided by strict editorial guidelines. Before articles and reviews are published on our site, they undergo a thorough review process performed by a team of independent editors and subject-matter experts to ensure the content’s accuracy, timeliness, and impartiality. Our editorial team is separate and independent of our site’s advertisers, and the opinions they express on our site are their own. To read more about our team members and their editorial backgrounds, please visit our site’s About page.