My Boyfriend Supports His Ex. Is it Wrong to Feel Like I’m Being Used?

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Written by: Dr. Wendy Walsh

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Dr. Wendy Walsh is the author of "The 30-Day Love Detox"" (April 2013).

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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Reader Question:

My boyfriend still supports his ex financially and now he’s constantly surfing porn. Is it wrong to feel like I’m just being used because he can’t get what he really wants?

-Julie S. Silverdale (Washington)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

You’ve asked two separate questions here. As for him supporting his ex financially, I don’t know if there are children involved, a divorce decree, or if this is just him staying attached emotionally. I’d explore what the meaning of this financial support is and what his end goal is to wean her or not.

As for the porn question, that’s a big red flag. A lot of guys don’t realize that easy access to porn can make their brains become addicted to constant images of new and hot digital lovers, and it makes it difficult to find sexual satisfaction in a long-term monogamous relationship.

I would talk to him about his porn. Do some research and help him understand that porn is a drug like any other that can cause dopamine rushes and have an addictive quality.

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