Should I Forgive My Boyfriend for Cheating?

Nick Slade

Written by: Nick Slade

Nick Slade

Nick spent 20 years in the dating scene before marriage. He has always been the guy friends would come to for advice on relationships, and he developed a knack for giving helpful insights. After college, Nick was a disc jockey for a few years, when the love generation was still alive, so Nick has a lot of relevant experience to draw from when it comes to every aspect of dating, falling in love and screwing things up. He holds Bachelor's degree in humanities and a slew of master’s credits in journalism. Nick is a news junkie and tries to keep up on the latest non-fiction when he has time. He has published two books on how to win at dating and relationships.

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

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People are not perfect, and boyfriends are certainly no exception. Of course, you have higher standards for him than you have for anyone else. Some crimes are forgivable and some, perhaps, are not. A person can never “un-cheat,” so once it’s done, it’s forever.

Who did he cheat with? How many girls? How often? If your whole relationship turned out to be a lie, that would be hard to forgive. Just consider a few things before you decide:

Guys can be tempted easily. If an hour of pleasure is offered to him, he could find it difficult to turn down.

Guys can rationalize easily. They were attracted to this other girl before, but now they have the chance to find out what it would be like to sleep with her. In his mind, this little dalliance is for “before” he met or started dating you, and then it’s over. Weak, yes, but it’s one of the little games our minds play.

A guy can be madly in love with his girlfriend and still follow the one-eyed snake without a conscience into a meaningless encounter. It doesn’t have to have any impact on his relationship with you — unless he gets caught.

Guys can learn from their mistakes. Until you find out, he may not understand how bone-headed and stupid he was being. Everybody deserves a second chance.

You have to try to look beyond the deed and into his heart. Was he using you? Or is he truly in love with you and simply made a horrible mistake? You have to at least let him think that you might leave him, of course. That’s the best way to find out how sorry and worthy of forgiveness he really is.

A final word: If you do forgive him, you have to let him stay forgiven. He has a clean slate. You can’t take back your forgiveness later or throw his infidelity in his face every time you have a fight. If you forgive him, be prepared to let it go. Forever.

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