7 Signs He’s a Keeper

When I was single, I wish someone had told me the heart-racing, palm-sweating chemistry I felt with my exes was just my body being attracted to the unknown… and not in a good way.

I spent my 20s chasing that spark. You know the one. When you get butterflies in your stomach, can’t eat, can’t sleep, agonize over when the next date will be.

And where did it lead me? Right back to square one, dating the same emotionally unavailable guy just with a different face and dumber haircut. Not until I hit romantic rock bottom did I realize something had to change (it was me).

I needed to date consciously….and stop chasing addictive lust. I had to use a different strategy to get different results, and that’s when I met my husband.

Now, as a married woman, I work with singles as a dating coach and tell them the green flags I saw in my dating life that led me to success. Looking for these qualities has changed everything for me, and for my clients, and it can do the same for you, too.

Nothing matters more than consistency. Seriously. In my coaching practice, this is one of the major predictors of relationship success.

My husband isn’t perfect (who is?), but from day one, if he said he’d call at 7 PM, my phone rang at 7 PM. If he promised to handle something, it got handled. No reminders needed.

Some people might think consistency is boring… but for me, I realized it was the foundation of trust.

And if he couldn’t follow through with his promise, he’d apologize and find a way to make it up to me. That gave me such a great level of trust in him.

Before him, I dated guys who made grand promises they never kept. “I’ll help you move” turned into an “I’m sorry, I’m too busy at work.” “I’ll pick you up from the airport” became a text saying, “Can you grab an Uber instead?”

Those seemingly small inconsistencies aren’t small at all. They’re previews of how reliable someone will be when life gets difficult. Watch what he does, not just what he says.

A man who’s truly marriage material celebrates your authentic self rather than waiting for you to transform into someone else.

Being a curvy woman taught me painful lessons about conditional love. Before meeting my husband, I’d exhausted myself trying to shrink my body to please partners who claimed to care about me.

Previous boyfriends made unhelpful comments about gym memberships. Or maybe I should try this workout and eat this instead.

A truly supportive and mature partner will not nitpick you with superficial criticisms or make you feel insecure. They will value the innate qualities that make you who you are, completely.

No amount of physical transformation satisfied these men because the real issue wasn’t my body. It was their inability to see my value beyond my weight. My husband wasn’t like that.

On our first date, I was blunt. “I’m curvy, and I know not all men are into that. I don’t think I’ll ever be an athletic type. How do you feel about that?”

He said, “I think you’re absolutely beautiful.” His response was so affirming. It nearly brought tears to my eyes.

This green flag of a man assured me that he didn’t need me to lose weight. He said my curves were part of what attracted him in the first place.

It’s so important to find someone who appreciates you just for who you are today, not some imaginary person they hope you’ll be tomorrow. The right partner will love you completely for your authentic, flawed, beautiful self.

When I work with clients, we usually identify their top 10-15 non-negotiables. Things like attitudes toward money, family priorities, lifestyle goals, and kindness to others.

Not “he must be 6 feet tall” or “he needs to drive a BMW,” but the values that truly determine compatibility.

A good relationship is more than shared hobbies or both loving the same movies. It’s about core values aligning.

For me, kindness to others is a big non-negotiable. In the past, I dated so many men who said they were kind, but their actions showed they were more selfish than ever. They treated wait staff and strangers poorly.

Deep down inside, I knew that when the excitement wore off in our relationship, he’d one day treat me the same way.

Watching my husband treat strangers respectfully told me more than his impressive resume ever could.

Here’s one quote I’ll never forget: “It’s not love that keeps a couple together, it is how they fight and resolve their problems!”

Pay attention to how he handles disagreements. Not just with you, but with everyone. Does he get defensive? Turn it into a joke? Or does he know how to discuss difficult feelings?

I once dated a guy who would stonewall me when he was mad. I’d say something to upset him, and that was it. No communication. He left me hanging for days.

Another person I dated would agree to everything I said just to shut me up. He’d repeat the same behavior later. Both were infuriating and frustrating experiences that led to zero resolution of the problem.

My husband and I had our first disagreement a month into our relationship. We got into a heated discussion, he said he needed to step away to cool down. He didn’t stonewall me or shut down.

Instead, he said, “Let’s talk in an hour when I’m calmer.” Cooler heads always prevail in relationships, and good partners know when to walk away so they can come back better. We still resolve our issues that way.

Before I understood the importance of empathy, I tolerated partners who dismissed my feelings or made everything about themselves. When I was stressed about a work presentation, one ex complained that I wasn’t giving him enough time.

The difference with my husband still amazes me. When my 19-year-old dog got sick, I was an absolute mess.

A good partner tries to see your perspective, even when you are butting heads, so you can reach a place of understanding and trust.

He didn’t just say “that’s tough” and change the subject. He sat with me, held me while I cried, brought me little treats, and remembered to check in with me (without me having to remind him).

A man with empathy can step outside himself to see your side of the story. He feels your pain and offers emotional support in life’s hardest moments.

I used to confuse emotional drama with passion. The constant hot and cold felt exciting until it became utterly exhausting.

I’ve learned that emotional maturity means communicating about real things and taking responsibility for mistakes.

Early on in our relationship, my husband traveled for work a lot. He’d often be gone for three months at a time. But we’d speak daily while he was away.

One time he didn’t reach out for almost 24 hours during a trip. Every hour was torture. My past trauma with cheating exes made my head spin into the worst-case scenarios.

When he finally called, I was prepared for the worst. And I got the best.

When we talked, he immediately apologized. He didn’t become defensive like my exes would’ve. He explained his phone had been destroyed at his job site, and asked, “What can I do to make it up to you?”

That was a turning point in our relationship. I broke down and shared how difficult it was dating someone who was so far away, and he truly listened.

He didn’t make me feel judged, shut down, or get flustered with defensiveness. Instead, he took action to ensure he traveled less so that he could be more present for our relationship.

His actions showed me that he wanted a love built on consistency and trust. To this day, he never plays games with my heart (cue sappy Backstreet Boys song).

I believe that trust goes far beyond monogamy. It’s about knowing someone will show up (physically and emotionally) for you, even when it’s inconvenient or uncomfortable.

I discovered my husband’s trustworthiness in the little things long before the big ones. He remembered my favorite food was sushi. When he was late, he called instead of leaving me wondering. When he made a mistake, he admitted when he was wrong without making excuses.

I’ll give an example. He was extra transparent with his friendships because he knew I’d been cheated on before. I didn’t want to be paranoid, but it made me nervous that he was friends with so many women.

If a person has been betrayed by an ex, they might find it hard to be vulnerable with a new partner.

He addressed this issue head-on by introducing me to all his gal pals. Once I’d shared appetizers and had drinks with them, I didn’t see them as a threat. One of those women actually became my best friend.

The spark matters, but it’s just the beginning. Conscious dating means you’re looking for both chemistry and character. Find someone who will protect your heart, not put it through a meat shredder of criticism and blame.

When your dog is sick or when you’re feeling jealous, how does that person handle it? How do they respond to problems, even if they’re not at fault? Look for those small green flags that say this person is reliable and solid as an emotional rock.

The right partner won’t just make your heart race. He’ll make you feel safe. That’s the greenest flag you could ask for.