What Do I Do if I Like Two Guys Who Are Different?

Dr. Wendy Walsh
Dr. Wendy Walsh Updated:
Discuss This! Discuss This!

Reader Question:

What can I do if I like two guys? Both are different in their own way. I tried to end the relationship with one of them but he said he loves me. I already cheated on one of my exes in the past, and I don’t want to do the same to my new relationship. I don’t know how to end it.

-Chanel (California)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

This is always a tough one. You have two perfectly acceptable boyfriends and you just can’t decide. Before I give you a decision-making tip, I want you to start to think about why an attachment to two people feels secure to you.

  • Do you feel better with a backup man?
  • Did you grow up being shuttled between two houses and this feels normal?
  • Did you have a strong early life attachment to your brother AND your dad?

Any of these factors might help explain why you got yourself into this situation, and learning more about your own psychological motivations can be very helpful.

But in the meantime, you’ve got to take some strong action or you’ll have two EX-BOYFRIENDS. I think the person who you have better conflict resolution skills with is a good pick.

If you can talk through your problems instead of giving each other the icy treatment, you have the biggest skill necessary for the long haul.

And, speaking of the long haul, I’d also choose the guy whose future plans most match yours. Finally, when breaking up with one: Be strong. Be firm. Be kind. And don’t hurt him by waffling or keeping him as a friend (backup man).

No counseling or psychotherapy advice: The Site does not provide psychotherapy advice. The Site is intended only for use by consumers in search of general information of interest pertaining to problems people may face as individuals and in relationships and related topics. Content is not intended to replace or serve as substitute for professional consultation or service. Contained observations and opinions should not be misconstrued as specific counseling advice.