Women's Dating

When to Say “No” to Sex

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Written by: Dr. Wendy Walsh

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Known as America's Relationship Expert, Dr. Wendy Walsh is an award-winning television journalist, radio host & podcaster, and the author of three books on relationships and thousands of print and digital articles. More than 1.5 million people follow her sage advice on social media. She holds a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology and teaches in the Psychology Department at California State University Channel Islands and has been the host of "The Dr. Wendy Walsh Show" on iHeart Radio's KFI AM 640 since 2015. Walsh is also a former Emmy-nominated co-host of "The Doctors," as well as former host of the nationally syndicated show "EXTRA." She was named a Time Magazine Person of the Year in 2017 after speaking out about harassment at a major news network.

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Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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The high-supply sexual economy has many women confused about when saying “no” to sex is appropriate. It seems feminism has taught women to adopt a male model of everything, and somehow, practicing slow love feels old fashioned.

But there are many other instances when saying no is the healthy alternative, both physiologically and psychologically.

Research shows people are most likely to stay together longer and have healthier relationships when they wait to have sex and take time to build some emotional bonds.

Here are four situations when it is in your best interest to say NO to sex.

1. You’ve been dating less than a month.

Research shows if you have sex within 30 days of meeting someone, you have about a 90 percent chance of being broken up within a year. Many women believe the myth sex leads to love – and it can for women, but it rarely does for men.

Sleeping with a guy will not make him feel as though he needs to commit to you. In fact, it makes women less desirable and actually decreases the chances a relationship will last.

This is the minimum amount of time you should wait, but the longer you wait, the more likely your relationship will last longer.


“Women today don’t realize the sexual power

they have and how to make the most of it.”

2. You haven’t agreed on sexual exclusivity.

In this day of what appears to be no-strings-attached sexual freedom, it may sound staid to ask for commitment before sex, but asking for sexual exclusivity isn’t asking for marriage and a lifetime commitment!

It’s simply asking to be protected from another’s germs and asking for the space to attempt to grow a healthy relationship. If a man won’t consent to sexual exclusivity, he’s a bad boyfriend bet.

3. You haven’t met his real-world clan.

Whether it be friends or family, you have no business sharing your bloodstream with someone who won’t share his social world. And Facebook friends don’t count.

Men are very good at compartmentalizing and one sure way to determine if his plans are to keep you in a secret sexual compartment is to hide you from his clan. Meeting the important people in his life shows he plans to keep you around.

4. He hasn’t expressed words of love.

Men may not say “I love you.” They may only say “I like you a lot” or “You could be my girl.” But associated feeling with sexual arousal is a good indication a man wants to have a healthy relationship with you.

Don’t settle and have sex with a guy who doesn’t truly care about you. You’ll wake up with a relationship hangover.

Sex IS a big deal. Unfortunately, women today don’t realize the sexual power they have and how to make the most of it.

How do you say “no” to sex?

Photo source: balancedhormonesandhealth.com.

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