Women's Dating

Why the Word “No” is So Sexy

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Written by: Dr. Wendy Walsh

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Known as America's Relationship Expert, Dr. Wendy Walsh is an award-winning television journalist, radio host & podcaster, and the author of three books on relationships and thousands of print and digital articles. More than 1.5 million people follow her sage advice on social media. She holds a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology and teaches in the Psychology Department at California State University Channel Islands and has been the host of "The Dr. Wendy Walsh Show" on iHeart Radio's KFI AM 640 since 2015. Walsh is also a former Emmy-nominated co-host of "The Doctors," as well as former host of the nationally syndicated show "EXTRA." She was named a Time Magazine Person of the Year in 2017 after speaking out about harassment at a major news network.

See full bio »

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Discuss This! Discuss This!
Advertiser Disclosure

Since the beginning of time, people have searched for the most perfect aphrodisiac, some magical substance that will enhance libido and take erotic passion to new heights.

Sadly, nothing has been proven to be truly effective, except for one tiny psychological trick I’m about to explain.

A true aphrodisiac must stimulate sexual desire, not just because of some biological event.

And anyone who manufactures a supplement that promises to enhance your sex life really can’t claim to increase sexual desire because no substance has proven to do that.

Even Viagra doesn’t count because it does nothing for desire.

Biology, sociology and psychology.

Sexual arousal is a complicated mixture of biology, sociology and psychology.

And of the three, I believe psychology is the most powerful.

In fact, the traditional aphrodisiacs of oyster, caviar, strawberries and chocolate mostly work because they have a placebo effect.

If you believe they work, then they’ll work. And that’s psychology at play.

There is one psychological trick that works for both genders.

In fact, I attest it is the world’s most powerful aphrodisiac. It is the word “no.”

Spoken loudly or quietly, spoken in behavior or lack of behavior, the word no makes a sexual suitor sit up and take notice.


“If you want to have wonderful sex,

say NO to easily attainable sex.”

A psychologist’s mathematical formula for great sex is simply:

Arousal + Obstacle = Erotic Sex

Now think back to your most exciting sexual encounter.

Was it intergenerational? Interracial? Was one person unavailable in some way? Or was it someone of a higher social status who was unattainable in some way?

Nothing like an obstacle, be it a cultural or personal taboo, to get our juices flowing.

Bottom line: We all want to have sex with someone who isn’t interested in us. It tells us they may be a big catch.

My advice: If you want to have wonderful sex, say NO to easily attainable sex.

How do you make the word “no” sound sexy?

Photo source: sadventurez.wordpress.com.

Advertiser Disclosure

DatingAdvice.com is a free online resource that offers valuable content and comparison services to users. To keep this resource 100% free, we receive compensation from many of the offers listed on the site. Along with key review factors, this compensation may impact how and where products appear across the site (including, for example, the order in which they appear). DatingAdvice.com does not include the entire universe of available offers. Editorial opinions expressed on the site are strictly our own and are not provided, endorsed, or approved by advertisers.

Our Editorial Review Policy

Our site is committed to publishing independent, accurate content guided by strict editorial guidelines. Before articles and reviews are published on our site, they undergo a thorough review process performed by a team of independent editors and subject-matter experts to ensure the content’s accuracy, timeliness, and impartiality. Our editorial team is separate and independent of our site’s advertisers, and the opinions they express on our site are their own. To read more about our team members and their editorial backgrounds, please visit our site’s About page.