How To Keep A Guy Interested

Gay Dating

How to Keep a Guy Interested (LGBT Advice)

Brian Rzepczynski

Written by: Brian Rzepczynski

Brian Rzepczynski

Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, DHS, MSW, is “The Gay Love Coach." To sign up for the FREE Gay Love Coach Newsletter filled with dating and relationship tips and skills for gay singles and couples, as well as to check out current coaching groups, programs and teleclasses, please visit

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Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

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Nothing creates more excitement (and anxiety) than meeting a guy who stimulates you mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and sexually — especially when it can be so difficult in this contemporary dating landscape to meet someone decent and compatible. Your stomach does somersaults when you’re around him, your body trembles with anticipation to see him again, and your mind is preoccupied with fantasies of what could become of this blossoming relationship.

You want this to work out so badly that your thoughts become centered around how to keep your new love interest just as captivated with you as you are with him.

This article addresses this elusive psychology and explores ways to keep the attraction going long enough for a satisfying relationship to get off the ground. Learning how to build on that initial allure will help counter the ghosting tendencies that have become commonplace in our dating era.

Over Text | After Sex | Long Distance

Ways to Keep Him Interested Through Text

Since texting will likely be a big part of your communication with this new guy, you’ll want to be careful. The written word can easily be misinterpreted with all of your excitement to establish contact. Here are some tips for healthy navigation of your text communications that will keep him riveted:

1. Text Him Sparingly and Purposefully

A big dating trap is that in all their excitement, many men will constantly text their new dating prospect day in and day out. While this can create an initial spike in reciprocated enthrallment in most cases, over time this can cause the opposite effect of pushing him away out of a feeling of suffocation.

Photo of a man texting

Texting your new guy a lot can be cute at the beginning, but it can quickly become annoying and desperate-looking. So tread lightly.

What was originally viewed as cute can begin to seem desperate, overbearing, and needy. It’s all about the balance of connection and separateness as well as boundaries. When you do communicate, let there be relevance, and use your words to convey meaning and intention rather than endless spewing of adorations. The words will be received with more impact and intensity if not overdosed.

2. Sprinkle Personal Disclosures Over Time

Similar to the first tip, you want to make sure that you gradually self-disclose. Don’t disclose everything about your life story all at once. Texting makes it all too easy to unload and say things we might be more guarded with when face to face.

Remember, mystery and intrigue are aphrodisiacs in romance. Pace your disclosures to have him wanting and longing to learn more. This pacing mechanism also allows you more time to get to know this man to ensure he’s worthy of your letting him be privy to the most intimate parts of your soul and life narrative.

3. Text as a Form of Flirtatious Validation

An advantage of texting in between the times the two of you can’t get together is that it allows you to fuel your attraction and fantasies about each other further… if done the right way. Flirting through text can be a strategic way of bolstering your affection for each other.

Photo of a new text message

Sending flirty texts can be a way to enhance the attraction between you two.

In her book “The Art of Mingling: Fun and Proven Techniques for Mastering Any Room,” Jeanne Martinet discusses how the quickest way to get someone to form a favorable impression of you is to validate them in authentic ways. She’s right. When someone says something nice to us that truly resonates with our unique self, it makes us feel good about ourselves, which subsequently creates a positive association between those words and the person delivering that message.

The key is to validate this guy with substance, and texting can be a great way to let him know that you truly see him in all his specialness. Small doses of this can go a long way toward capturing his heart, but it must be done in the spirit of authenticity and not manipulation or gamey attempts to hook him.

Ways to Keep Him Interested After Sleeping With Him

Though not necessarily a popular view, the longer you hold off on sex, the better. Not only will it create greater anticipation, build-up, and sexual tension, but it also gives you an opportunity to ensure that the guy is really into you for you (and not purely for a hookup.) However, what do you do if you’ve already done the deed? Here are some ideas for you.

4. Keep It Creative and Interesting

This is a fairly obvious tip, but sex is one of those areas in a relationship where you can be playful and fun and let all your inhibitions go for optimal pleasure. As mentioned previously, mystery and intrigue are major aphrodisiacs and help fuel sexual desire.

Photo of two men in bed

The longer you two are together, the more you may have to mix things up in the bedroom to keep the passion alive.

This usually comes naturally at the beginning of a relationship, but it becomes even more instrumental in long-term pairings. Help keep your guy on his toes by expanding your eroticism and sexual repertoire. Mix things up, share and act out your fantasies, learn new skills and tricks, and spring things on him when he least expects it. He’ll be begging for more.

5. Keep the Ember Burning In Between Scenes

An important, often overlooked component of a healthy erotic life is to avoid compartmentalizing your sex life into its own segregated corner of your relationship. Avoid waiting to be sexy only when it’s time to be intimate.

Sexually satisfied couples know that the secret to a rapturous sexual relationship is by to keep a flame going consistently throughout their partnership, especially during non-sexual times. This way, you’ll be keeping a degree of titillation and erotic spark going, so when it does come time to be intimate, you’re already geared up and don’t have to start from the ground up with your arousal.

Sending sexy photos to each other, writing surprise love notes, and flirting are just a few examples. Be creative, and he’ll be writhing with anticipation for your next bedroom adventure.

Ways to Keep Him Interested When You’re Long Distance

It’s torturous when you and your loved one are physically separated and you don’t have the luxury of traditional dating rituals to help evolve your relationship because of distance and lack of body proximity. Here are two of my top tips where creativity and maximum attentiveness comes into play to help keep your connection alive:

6. Talk About the Positives in Your Relationship

Don’t use your precious time together lamenting about the pain and injustice of being apart. This could define all your contacts with a negative aura and make the potential for emotional distancing from each other that much more possible.

Photo of a man on a video call

When you two text, talk on the phone, and Skype, try to not focus on how difficult it is to be apart.

Give each other lots of positive affirmations, and share what you appreciate. Keep the romance alive, and realize that you have control over the climate of your relationship.

7. Foster Long-Distance Interactivity

Even though you may be miles apart, do things during your mutual downtime that’s interactive such as playing online games together, having phone sex, going into an online chat room together, volunteering for similar causes in your prospective residences, writing each other sexy stories or fantasies that can be played out when you next meet, etc. (Don’t let writing replace verbal communication, though.)

You can even create arts and crafts projects that can serve as a commemoration of your relationship. Make a collage out of photos of memorable moments you and your partner shared and place it in a high-traffic area of your home where you’ll see it often to keep him close. The possibilities for bridging connection are limitless.

Being Yourself and Honest Can Make All the Difference

Most articles written about how to keep your guy begging for more oftentimes rely on gimmicks and tricks that resort to artificial game-playing that rob you of being in the present moment with your partner. These ploys can be perceived as manipulative and contrived instead of allowing oneself to be in the here and now and to stay out of one’s head worrying.

Photo of a man smiling at himself in the mirror

Knowing who you are, liking yourself, and being upfront about your wants and needs makes finding and keeping Mr. Right so much easier.

So what’s the top secret ingredient for keeping someone interested in you? Be unapologetically yourself. No-holds-barred, uninhibited you. By being transparent, there are no barriers. You can live your life authentically and let your inborn personality shine through in a way that will attract and magnetize those who were intended to be drawn toward you from a compatibility and law of attraction standpoint.

When you’re living your true self, your Mr. Right will love you unconditionally for who you are and what you stand for, and none of this ends up being deceptive. He’ll be interested because he values the essence of who you really are. This very foundational piece (coupled with relationship skills you can learn via counseling, coaching, self-help books, and personal development retreats) is what helps breed connection and intimacy over the long haul. Before you can find Mr. Right, you have to be your own Mr. Right by being the most dateable you that you can be. Know your values, personality, and talents, and leverage them to reach both your personal and relationship potentials. You’ve got this!

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