I Ended Things. Was I Correct in Doing So?

Gina Stewart
Gina Stewart Updated:
Discuss This! Discuss This!
Advertiser Disclosure

Reader Question:

I met a great guy online about a month ago, and after talking on the phone for a month, we met in person.

Something is not feeling right. I asked him if he would ever invite me to his house, and he said he wouldn’t want me to drive that far. He’s in Illinois. I’m in Indiana.

Then he tells me I couldn’t make plans on the weekends because of his job and being on call. I would have to work with his schedule.

Needless to say, I cut it off this weekend. Was I correct in doing so?

-Tawana (Indiana)

Gina Stewart’s Answer:

When it comes to dating, I like to play a little game called “Is it reasonable?” to determine whether or not you should put effort into someone and if they are putting adequate effort toward you and growing the relationship.

Let’s ask ourselves a question for your scenario:

Is it reasonable for him to deny you to EVER drive to him if you’re willing to do so?

It’s one thing to be chivalrous in the beginning, but if you’re ever going to be serious, you need to spend time in each other’s lives and worlds, as well as make accommodations for one another.

In this case, his response is unreasonable that you should never drive to him, especially in light of his other issues of availability, which we will discuss below.

Having a demanding job is one thing that makes dating difficult. Having a demanding job that requires you to be on call is even more difficult. Having a demanding job that requires you to be on call and in another state from the person you are trying to date is crazy difficult.

That in and of itself makes it unreasonable for you to be able to date.

But more to the point, having this guy demand from you that you can’t make plans on weekends because of this also seems unreasonable and unrealistic. It made a hard situation nearly impossible.

I don’t think it is unreasonable for you to cut it off based on all of those things. He didn’t leave you with many options on how to make it work.

From what I can tell, your feeling about it not seeming right seems validated.


No counseling or psychotherapy advice: The site does not provide psychotherapy advice. The site is intended only for use by consumers in search of general information of interest pertaining to problems people may face as individuals and in relationships and related topics. Content is not intended to replace or serve as substitute for professional consultation or service. Contained observations and opinions should not be misconstrued as specific counseling advice.

Advertiser Disclosure

DatingAdvice.com is a free online resource that offers valuable content and comparison services to users. To keep this resource 100% free, we receive compensation from many of the offers listed on the site. Along with key review factors, this compensation may impact how and where products appear across the site (including, for example, the order in which they appear). DatingAdvice.com does not include the entire universe of available offers. Editorial opinions expressed on the site are strictly our own and are not provided, endorsed, or approved by advertisers.

Our Editorial Review Policy

Our site is committed to publishing independent, accurate content guided by strict editorial guidelines. Before articles and reviews are published on our site, they undergo a thorough review process performed by a team of independent editors and subject-matter experts to ensure the content’s accuracy, timeliness, and impartiality. Our editorial team is separate and independent of our site’s advertisers, and the opinions they express on our site are their own. To read more about our team members and their editorial backgrounds, please visit our site’s About page.