Am I Confusing a Nice Attitude from a Straight Co-Worker?

Brian Rzepczynski

Written by: Brian Rzepczynski

Brian Rzepczynski

Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, DHS, MSW, is “The Gay Love Coach." To sign up for the FREE Gay Love Coach Newsletter filled with dating and relationship tips and skills for gay singles and couples, as well as to check out current coaching groups, programs and teleclasses, please visit

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Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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Reader Question:

I’ve been working for a year in this place. Besides me, there’s another gay guy.

I was at my office and he walked in and started a conversation. Suddenly a female co-worker came to my office and he seemed uncomfortable. He jokingly said, “Damn, girl! Why you don’t let us alone? We make the perfect gay couple.”

Am I confusing a nice attitude from a straight co-worker, or is he giving me signals that he’s into me but is too shy to take the step? What can I do to realize if he’s gay/bi or just a really nice straight guy?

-Lou S.

Brian Rzepczynski’s Answer:

Hi, Lou!

It’s never an easy call trying to determine if someone is gay or straight! There are three options available to you here.

The first is the scariest and would entail you taking the direct approach and bluntly asking him out. You’d get your answer right away without any more torture about wondering.

Option two is to ask him if he’d like to hang out and build a friendship with you. This way you can observe whether there’s any chemistry between the two of you and you can inquire about his personal life. This option will take time and detective work.

Finally, you could choose to do nothing, recognizing that office romances oftentimes can be the kiss of death. You’ll also want to consider that if he balks, how might this affect your role in the workplace since homophobia still exists.

You’ll want to weigh the pros and cons of each of these and choose the path that feels most comfortable for you, all the while recognizing the risks and benefits involved with each.

Good luck. My fingers are crossed for you!

Dr. Brian

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