Reader Question:
I recently broke up with my partner of two years. He cheated on me three times that I’m aware of, but I still forgave him and tried to make it work. The problem was the trust was gone and all it did was cause hurt and arguments.
I’ve since found out my ex-partner is dating someone. I’m a bit resentful of that, thinking did it mean more to me than him?
I want to be able to move on, meet someone new and not have the trust issues I’m scared I will have.
Any advice?
-Craig (U.K.)
Brian Rzepczynski’s Answer:
Hi Craig,
Recovering from a breakup resulting from an infidelity can be a very painful experience. You are going to need time to grieve this loss and make sense of everything that has transpired.
While it’s normal to be preoccupied with what’s happened initially, you will want to set limits on the amount of energy you spend so you can regain a sense of control over your life again.
Refuse to be a victim and don’t let his betrayal have power over you. Take ownership for your part in the relationship difficulties, learn from what’s happened that can be applied in your next involvement and spend time now devoted to self-care and rebuilding a new life and identity.
This will take time as you heal and recognize the importance of not projecting your trust issues with your ex on to new partners, as they are not him.
Go slow and allow them to earn your trust and affection based on their own merit.
Take good care of yourself during this time of transition and adjustment. You’ll be great!
Dr. Brian
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