Our Relationship Ended. How Is It So Easy to Walk Away?

Mary Gorham Malia

Written by: Mary Gorham Malia

Mary Gorham Malia

Mary G. Malia, founder of Gay Girl Dating Coach, is a certified singles coach, strategic intervention coach and author of the book "The Gay Girl’s Guide to Avoid the 14 Dating Traps." She’s known as the leading resource and expert for lesbians who want to move past the barriers to finding love and lasting relationships.

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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Reader Question:

I have been in a two-year relationship that has just ended abruptly. Within the first two months, she cheated on me. I only found out through my own research.

I forgave her. Things were great, but I also saw signs of her possibly cheating still. Basically she has been cheating or flirting with the same girl now that she swore she would cut off.

Each time I found out something, she would leave with the intent to never come back. I just don’t understand how someone could betray the only love they ever had.

How is it so easy to walk away? Am I not worth the fight or explanation?

-Ashley (Maryland)

Mary Gorham Malia’s Answer:

Dear Ashley,

I mean this in all kindness but take your head out of the sand. People treat us how we let them treat us.

Your girlfriend has shown you she cheats and lies. You’ve taken her back and forgiven her, but she’s continued to do the same. That isn’t a surprise.

She cheats because it gives her something she wants. She stays with you in some fashion because it gives her something she wants.

As to saying how can someone betray the only love they had or how can she leave so easily?

The answer is because she doesn’t feel the same way about you that she does this other woman and your behavior keeps proving she can keep you on the hook and the other woman, too.

Ashley, a better question is how much do you love yourself? What do you want, and what do you deserve in a relationship?

Sure, you’re hooked on this woman. You keep taking her back. You keep letting her dishonesty be OK because you keep training her that you’ll take her back.

Your fantasy that your love will fix her is truly misguided. When are you going to draw a line in the sand?

If you want a committed and honest girlfriend, you’re never going to find it in this relationship.

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