The Website That Gives Newly Single Mothers The Tools to Thrive

The Short Version: Newly-single mothers often need community support just as much as they need advice about divorce, finances, and parenting. Australian website Beanstalk Mums is as much an educational resource as it is a refuge for single mothers seeking empathy and emotional support. 

When I think “divorce,” my mind goes right to the Banana Split Club in elementary school, which was a clever name for a support group for kids with divorced parents. As an adult, I can’t help but wonder if the parents of these kids received the same support. Amid the chaos of divorce, where can newly single parents turn for advice? 

Single mom counselor and coach Elle Sitek described the time immediately following her divorce as a “grieving period.” Anyone who has been through a divorce can most likely empathize. After all, you’re not only grieving the loss of a partner, but of the future you’d dreamed of for yourself and for your family. 

Suddenly, you have more questions than answers. “What’s the right thing to do? Who do I reach out to? What do I do with myself now? Who am I now?” are just a few of the questions Elle faced after her own divorce. “All of this was at the forefront of my mind without anyone to help me out or answer those questions.” 

Instead of shrinking away from the unknown, Elle embraced it. “That’s how my counseling platform was born,” she explained. With Single Mama Way, Elle counsels and coaches single mothers as they get used to their new normal. But it’s Beanstalk Mums where women can convene and connect. The website is an educational resource for women who crave understanding, information, and empathy as they enter single parenthood. 

Beanstalk Mums was created so women can lean on each other and find essential information about the single mom lifestyle. “We have over 2,000 articles on Beanstalk Mums,” Elle told us. “If you have a question about single motherhood and it’s not on the website, I welcome you to email me, but I doubt that will be the case.” 

On Beanstalk Mums, you can find advice about practically every step of the divorce process, from legal issues to financial considerations to, of course, parenting. “What does divorce entail? What do you put in a parenting agreement?” These are questions that Elle says have answers on Beanstalk Mums. 

“We partner with various experts and professionals in the field [so we can] vet them for mums,” Elle said. As an experienced counselor and coach herself, Elle has partnered with lawyers, mediators, and financial advisors to make sure only the best advice is given to Beanstalk Mums’ readers. 

More mothers juggle a home and career than ever before, but that doesn’t mean every single mother is financially stable. It’s not uncommon for single mothers to find themselves in need of an income, and fast. 

Thankfully, Beanstalk Mums also suggest traditional and out-of-the-box employment ideas. There are articles about remote work options, small business ideas, and side hustles. “We talk about financial literacy and how to upsell your knowledge,” Elle explained. Financial freedom is an essential goal for single mothers, and Beanstalk Mums has information about investing, budgeting, and business. 

You can also find resources about self-care, education, friendship, dating, and sex. “Anything to do with getting ahead and rebuilding yourself as the amazing woman you are, you’ll find [on Beanstalk Mums],” Elle said. 

“You are much stronger, and your children are much more resilient, than you give yourself credit for.” 

To all single mothers worrying about their children and their own states of mind, Elle had words of encouragement. “You are much stronger, and your children are much more resilient, than you give yourself credit for.” 

Perhaps Beanstalk Mums’ best offering is its network of single moms. It’s full of women in your situation who have come out the other side. “One person who gets you makes all the difference,” Elle emphasized. 

For some couples, divorce is the only way to ensure stability and safety for themselves and their children. And some single mothers end up being the sole caretakers and providers for their children. 

There was a time when divorce meant that men took a backseat to parenting. “I think society has moved toward more male involvement,” Elle said. In an amicable partnership, this would be an ideal arrangement. But what happens when your ex-husband is not fit to parent, but still wants custody? 

Beanstalk Mums provides expert-approved legal advice about custody, property settlement, and family law when these extreme circumstances arise. 

When you’re dealing with a toxic ex — or if you’re simply on bad terms — the last thing you want to do is communicate with them. But communicate, you must. Elle told us that there are ways you can maintain civil and effective communication with your ex for the sake of your child without sacrificing your own mental well-being. 

“We all have someone that we work with in the office that we don’t quite agree with or like,” she pointed out. “That’s a natural situation. We learn to overcome it. We communicate about the job that we have to do, and it’s civil and it’s amicable on that professional level.” Now, replace “co-worker” with “ex-husband,” and you get a decent example of parallel-parenting. 

Parents participating in a parallel parenting custody agreement communicate and interact with each other as little as possible without disrupting each person’s relationship with their children. 

Elle also mentioned the Gray Rock Method of communication. “If your ex is communicating in a way that is not helpful — hurtful, derogatory, whatever it may be — you just take a breath and treat him like an inanimate object whose words and actions have no value.” In a heated situation, your best option may be to ignore hurtful communication until emotions have simmered down. “[Your ex] has the opportunity to say what they want to say, but [you don’t have to be] triggered by it,” Elle explained. 

If you’re greeted by an offensively worded five-page email from your ex, reading it in full may not be constructive. “If there’s anything unhealthy, we don’t respond,” Elle instructed. “We respond only to communication that is professional about the child. Issues about time sharing, holiday accommodations, changes in school, etc.” 

Anything written about you on a personal level simply doesn’t deserve your attention. “You do not engage,” Elle emphasized. 

As I’ve said, divorce is rarely anyone’s first course of action. So when a marriage ends in divorce, it can be emotionally and financially devastating. And if you’re truly on your own? “You’re suddenly in charge of the whole household,” Elle said. “You have to be the breadwinner, the mother, the house caretaker, everything.” When you’re carrying so much weight on your shoulders, you transition into survival mode. And anything that seems extraneous — self-care, hobbies, even your own personal health — falls by the wayside. 

“[Beanstalk Mums] aims to empower you and lift you up.”

“[Beanstalk Mums] aims to empower you and lift you up,” Elle said. This goal was born from Elle’s personal experience. “I remember when I was in that stage, when you’re juggling so much trying to make the right decisions. It’s so hard.” 

When you become a single parent, surviving is only half the battle. As Elle told us, the other half is about learning how to thrive. It’s about “how to find the joy in being a single parent,” she said. “Yes, your other life has ended. This family nucleus that you thought was going to continue has unfortunately disintegrated. But that is not the end of the world.” 

Still, many single mothers find themselves feeling lonelier than ever. All the friends, family, and neighbors in the world can’t change the fact that you’re suddenly doing this whole “parenting” thing by yourself. “Women retreat into themselves,” Elle said. 

When you isolate yourself from the world, you enter an echo chamber of your own worst thoughts. “Self worth is quite low,” Elle pointed out. “[Women are] also emotionally scarred or distraught.” In making the transition easier for your kid(s), you may forget to make it easier for yourself. 

All of this leads to a damaging loss of community. “Often, we do lose ourselves,” Elle told us. Sometimes, the end of a marriage forces people to reconsider their paths in life, and even their own identities. You may not be a wife anymore, but you’re still a mother. “We write articles that empower you,” Elle said. “There is more life to come. You can be a wonderful mother, and you can find wonderful opportunities.” 

Elle told us what she wishes someone had told her this when she became a single mom. “You’re still alive,” she emphasized. “You have a beautiful child or children who love you. Yes, it’s difficult. Life throws us curveballs. You will survive this, and you can thrive on the other side.”