10 Things Online Single Lesbians Need Understand

Lesbian Dating

10 Things Single Lesbians NEED to Know About Online Dating

Mary Gorham Malia

Written by: Mary Gorham Malia

Mary Gorham Malia

Mary G. Malia, founder of Gay Girl Dating Coach, is a certified singles coach, strategic intervention coach and author of the book "The Gay Girl’s Guide to Avoid the 14 Dating Traps." She’s known as the leading resource and expert for lesbians who want to move past the barriers to finding love and lasting relationships.

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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There are millions of lesbians using online dating sites and apps in the U.S. every day. It’s become the most popular way to meet a woman of any orientation.

Now of course, singles lesbians are spread all over the country and aren’t all available for you to date, but if you skip online dating as one strategy to meet single lesbians, you’re making a big mistake.

Online dating is just one thing you should be doing in your search to find an amazing lesbian love and relationship, but it’s an important one to be using along with local events, festivals, meetups, local LGBTQ+ nonprofits and other community gatherings.

There are 10 things you need to understand about online dating to make it a more fun and successful experience.

1. Learn how to use all of the features

You must understand how to use the online dating site of your choice and all its features. Before you start paying, try out the free features and get familiar with the process the site uses.

2. Each dating site is unique and some are better than others

If you’re not happy with the quality of the site (we’ll talk about the lesbians on the site in a minute!), then get off the site. It should run well and have a good number of women who are active on the site in your area.

We typically recommend Match for lesbian women who are serious about meeting a partner for life. Match has been in operation since 1995, and it prioritizes personal compatibility and shared interests.

3. Don’t be upset when lesbians don’t get back to you 

Not getting a response to an email or text you send is pretty darn common. A lot of first messages in particular don’t get any response, so it’s not really that personal. It’s happening to everyone. Keep going.

4. Yes, some women lie — get over it

Online daters fib about themselves sometimes. They post old pictures on their dating profile. They say they don’t smoke when they do. They talk themselves up in a way that may not reflect the reality of who they are day to day.

Stop taking it personally and just move on when you realize you’ve met a liar. Hopefully you figure it out sooner than later.

5. You have to give the process time

It is possible you’ll meet the love of your life in one week of online swiping, but it’s not incredibly likely. You may need to make a long-term commitment. That’s OK.  Many women quit online dating way too soon.

The older you are, the longer you need to give yourself to find a great match, and that’s OK because as we get older, we stop compromising.

6. Have great pictures, please

You don’t need a ton of them, but make sure they aren’t more than six months old.

Everyone has a smartphone these days, so getting digital pictures is easy and convenient. If you need to take 100 pictures to get your best, do it!

7. Don’t complain

Please don’t be a whiny bitch in your dating profile. Don’t complain about what’s wrong with life or online dating. No one is interested in your “I’m mad as hell” story because none of us want to date a person who is bitter and resentful. Stick to the positives!

8. Take dating offline ASAP

If you’re not looking for a pen pal, then stop acting like you are. When you connect with a lesbian online, take dating offline as soon as possible.

You’re doing online dating to get to a relationship. Three emails, a phone and meet is the recipe for not wasting time and discovering if you have a good connection when you meet.

9. Don’t be surprised when your date is still online dating

Until you and the woman you are seeing agree to be exclusive, stop getting upset if you see her online. That’s her business (not yours) until you both agree you’re officially dating exclusively.

10. When you’re exclusive, it’s time to pull your profile down

Now it’s time to jump up and down. The online dating site has done its job. You’ve met a woman who is great for you and you both agree it’s time to delete all your dating profiles. Woo hoo!!

The path to success in online dating is patience, a relaxed attitude, and a willingness to engage in the process for the long term if needed.

With a more easygoing approach, you’ll discover it’s a great way to date and meet women in your city or town.

And if online dating is the only active venue you’ve got, then stop delaying and holding back. Work it, baby!!

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