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I recently went out with a guy I met online. He was certainly not a bad date. He was very smart and athletic, had a good job, and told entertaining and funny stories that he weaved into the conversation.
The night ended without incident and a hug. I gave him my phone number, and he texted to make sure I got home safe (good move).
He texted me sporadically over the next few weeks with some “How is everything going?” texts.
I liked this guy. I can’t say I like-liked him, but dating is supposed to help me figure that out.
And then I got a text from him weeks after our first and only date asking how my recently broken nose was.
After I told him, he immediately moved into, “Hey listen, I’m getting plenty of first dates on online dating but I can’t seem to get second ones. Was there something about me or from my texts that was off-putting? I figured I’d ask the dating expert.”
This was tricky to maneuver. Since he asked, I figured he was prepared for an honest answer, so I gave it to him.
Texting is the modern man’s safety blanket to communication. The problem with that is the modern woman can safely avoid texts, too.
This guy had a lot of personality. It was singularly the best thing he had going for him. But his personality was squashed in bland “How’s your week going?” texts. Blah.
If he had called me and charmed me with his personality, the second date would have been way more likely.
Play your assets. In this case, the phone would have been his asset.
“If he had called me, the second date
would have been way more likely.”
I asked him, “How many of these girls did you explicitly ask for a second date with?”
He hemmed and hawed. He was waiting for these girls (including me) to literally tell him to ask them out again. Bad move.
Yes, he might face some rejection but if a girl was on the fence, it’s easier for her to passively text you back every once in a while than it is to outright reject you.
At least you’d know and more possibly you’d get her on the second date where you can charm her again.
As a man, the fear of rejection pervades much or your actions. The problem is it also hinders you from reaching success.
Have you ever had trouble getting the second date with an online match? Maybe you can change something small to make the outcome different.