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There are difficulties and advantages for both sexes when doing online dating.
For women, it can feel complicated. Women play a mental game of, “Should I reach out first, or should I let him be the aggressor? Do men like that?”
Thus, they often spend a lot of time waiting for men they’re interested in to contact them.
Men think women have it easy, that they can just put up pictures and emails start cascading in from all kinds of men they have to compete with.
Having experienced both sides of online dating through my male and female clients, I wanted to illuminate to the females on what it is men hate about the online dating process and how that reflects in some very common online dating behaviors.
By the way, I am fully aware this article is based on generalizations. I know there are exceptions in every direction on these themes.
In developing infants and toddlers, it is no secret girls generally become verbal before boys.
What this means is girls speak their first words sooner and can even start putting together sentences, while their little boy counterparts are still pointing, grunting and crying to express themselves.
In adulthood, women speak on average twice as many words as men do in a day. (Women also supposedly blink more and look in the mirror longer, but that has no bearing on this point. They are just fun facts.)
As such, it should come as no surprise that when many men have to start describing themselves in their online dating profiles, they are stumped!
They do the adult equivalent of pointing, grunting and crying. That is to say, they don’t express themselves very well and often just put something down to get past this sore point. They hate it.
So ladies, next time you see a guy’s short or uninformative bio, just remember it may be just a biological problem.
Maybe the aforementioned fact about women looking in a mirror more per day than men is relevant. Woman are much more aware of and concerned about looks than men.
If you ever go out to a downtown bar and see a gaggle of women hanging out, odds are at least one woman in the group always has her camera or camera phone ready and pictures are being taken over and over again.
Men don’t do this. Out of their own machismo or just ambivalence toward taking pictures of themselves, you don’t see groups of men doing this.
Subsequently, men have way less quality pictures of themselves for a dating profile.
But men know online dating requires pictures, so they do what they can to make sure they have some.
They post photos with their exes, because that was the last time anyone insisted on taking photos (if they are clever, they do a bad crop job), or they grab their cell and head to the nearest mirror or car and snap a good old-fashioned selfie.
These can have disastrous results because what men think looks good, isn’t what women find attractive. Or they use the picture they took of their car, dog or sunset.
This is one of those things where you’ve got to cut men some slack. Can you blame a guy for not being a photo whore?
Bad pictures don’t mean he’s not attractive — try to find the diamonds in the rough.
“Men know they are the ones
that have to do the pursing.”
In general, men know they are the ones that have to do the pursing both in life and online dating. It’s a hard-wired nature that men hunt.
Hunting in online dating is not like shooting fish in a barrel. It’s like shooting fast moving fish in an ocean with a ton of other hunters all around you.
They have to take a lot of shots. Oftentimes, those shots aren’t well planned out.
OK enough analogy. This means sometimes men just wink or write a one-line email that says, “You’re pretty.”
It’s unimpressive to a woman, as you know. But men are frustrated and exhausted, so be gracious and throw them a little bait.
Fill your profile with easy conversation starters and respond to some of those lackluster winks and emails.
If a man finally does get a woman to respond, she often wants to participate in long and extended emails over long periods of time.
Going back to the part about men having a difficult time communicating, this emailing part is also difficult for them.
They want to meet you in person, where they can actually get to know you where it counts. So they may ask to meet you right away.
Why waste time online when you can see if there is a connection in person?
It’s valid for a woman to want to get a sense of a man via emails before she meets him, but for both your sakes, do not drag it out.
In person is what matters and where he can actually show you his great qualities. Let him get there!
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