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You went online, hit it off and got the guy or girl to go out with you. Awesome! What you don’t want is to let all your hard work fizzle.
Here are some common reasons online daters don’t get to that coveted second date. Use these clues to maintain your momentum with your next online first date.
It takes much longer to change it. This is one true and horrible statistic. Your first impression matters.
The good news is if you’re aware it’s going to be formed in seven seconds, you can make efforts to make a good first impression that lasts. Nonverbal cues account for four times the impression you make on someone than your words.
Ways to make a good first impression include looking put together and clean, being on time, smiling, using a firm handshake or warm hug, making eye contact, practicing good posture, and being able to start a conversation with confidence.
Be aware of your overall body language. Make sure your body language is open and comfortable. Watch for arms crossed over chests or making your overall body space smaller by hunching.
Sometimes you don’t know what the temperature is going to be, so always bring a jacket. Don’t let the temperature ruin your body confidence!
Have a friendly attitude! Go in happy, even if there was traffic or parking issues. Make yourself happy before you enter that door.
Lean in when the person speaks — it shows you’re interested, which is another important nonverbal cue.
Pictures paint a thousand words, but that doesn’t mean it is always an accurate predictor of how someone will look in person.
Take special care that your pictures reflect how you look in real life at this moment. This may mean getting professional or semi-professional shots (think your friend with an artistic eye that understands lighting) to show you at your best but realistic.
It doesn’t do you any good to try to make yourself look significantly better or different in your pictures. When dates meet you, they will know the difference and won’t appreciate it. You’ll be right back where you started and will have wasted everyone’s time.
Some people have turned online dating into an ego-feeding game. They aren’t interested in a lasting connection. They are addicted to the short-term rush of someone new.
This isn’t your problem. Leave them be and find one who is.
“If you were yourself and they
didn’t seem to jibe, don’t feel bad.”
I hear from a lot of daters when they come back from dates, “I just didn’t get the feeling he/she was that into it.”
This is the saddest reason for a dating prospect to die. It is so unnecessary and preventable.
Make sure you verbally say, “I’m having a great time!” or something close to that like, “This was fun” or “You’re really interesting to talk to.”
No one is a mind reader. They want to be with someone who they feel wants to be with them, too.
Gender roles aside, always offer to pay, split the bill, etc. Offer to get them something if you are ordering at a counter and at different times because they have already arrived.
“Can I get you anything? A lemon bar? They are really delicious!” You can offer parking, “Did you valet? Let me pay your ticket.”
Offering is always nice. It shows you aren’t selfish or expectant – two things that make for undesirable partners.
This is one of the most overlooked reasons for a missed next date.
Ask questions that help establish future plans. “I saw you love comedy. Have you been to the Laughs Bucket downtown? (wait for response) We should go sometime.” Easy as that!
It works for hiking, restaurants, museums, coffee shops, etc.
Try to do this when you have good momentum in the date and are having a good time. You’ll be more likely to get a yes, plus it takes the pressure off feeling like you have to make something happen at the end.
If you didn’t expressly ask to see them again, don’t assume it’s over. Don’t expect the other person to hand a date offer to you. Sometimes you only get what you ask for.
Things may have gone really great, but you don’t want to exhaust your first meeting. Keep it fresh, fun and your date wanting to get together again to learn more.
Let them associate fun and easy time with you at the beginning stages of dating. You can burn too fast too soon.
Hey, it happens. If you were yourself and did your best and they just didn’t seem to jibe with it, don’t feel bad.
Obviously everyone doesn’t fit everyone else. If they know they aren’t right for you, feel grateful they didn’t waste your time. Keep moving to find the next person worth it.
Have you done any of these things and lost your chance at another date?
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