A Laywomans Guide To Tantric Sex

Women's Dating

A Laywoman’s Guide to Tantric Sex

Jill Di Donato

Written by: Jill Di Donato

Jill Di Donato

Jill Di Donato writes about sex and relationships for The Huffington Post, is the author of the novel "Beautiful Garbage" (She Writes Press) and is working on a collection of essays called "52 Weeks of Sex: Diary of a Single Gal."

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

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We all embody a little godliness in us. It can be pleasurable, enlightening and satisfying when someone else recognizes and appreciates our inner godliness and even better when he draws it out.

Tantric sex is a way to connect or even worship the divinity within your partner and care for and nurture another.

The origin of the word Tantra comes from the Sanskrit, meaning to stretch, weave, extend. Think of tantric sex as a sensual experience in that it relies on the five senses lacing together with mental, emotional and spiritual awareness.

Underlying tantric sex is not technique or skill. While prolonged lovemaking is a part of the tantric tradition, tantric sex is much more about your approach to sex rather than positions or staying power.

The following seven tips can help you access this ancient tradition that’s often seen as mysterious, but it need not be:

1. Create an intimate space.

Rituals are a sacred part of the human experience and important to understanding the tantric tradition. An easy way to begin your sexual ritual is to create an intimate space.

Fresh linens and a tidy bed tell your partner you have been thinking about bringing him into your lair of seduction, and you want to make it as pleasant an experience as possible.

This is the opening salvo in telling your partner you care about his needs.

2. Breathing helps keep you in the moment.

Just as you focus on your breathing during yoga practice, try to focus on breathing while being intimate with your partner.

You can even try to sync your breathing with your partner’s so while you inhale, he exhales and vice versa.

Try to feel your partner’s breath coarse through your entire body for an intensely pleasurable experience.

3. Get out of your head.

Sex can sometimes become routine or a means to an end, which culminates in an orgasm.

Rather than putting all your energy into thinking about how you’re going to achieve five seconds of pleasure (which usually has the opposite effect), invest in the entire intimate experience.

Clear your mind of thoughts. Focus on breathing, the movements of your body and how incredible your partner is.

Don’t analyze what are you feeling. Take each moment for what it is – nothing more, nothing less.

“With this approach, you will

elevate the level of the connection.”

4. Have a heightened awareness of your partner.

What is your partner feeling? Get to know your partner’s body and body language.

Beyond the physical, bring an emotional awareness to your partner and appreciate him in every possible way.

Part of the tantric tradition is finding the divinity within your partner. So go ahead and get your worship on!

5. Take turns giving and receiving.

Start with massaging, caressing or kissing your partner. Slow the pace by prolonging the sexual act for as long as possible.

You can also heighten the sexual act by taking turns being the giver and receiver outside of your sexual relationship as well. Your every interaction will become a form of foreplay.

6. Maintain eye contact.

It’s not easy to let ourselves be seen fully, even by the people we adore and who return our adoration.

Literally open your eyes and maintain a strong gaze with your partner while being intimate. Intense? Yes.

But you will also connect in a way that might open you up to your partner in myriad ways.

7. Get in step with your spirituality.

Conceive of yourself and your partner as beings (separate, though connected) joined in something greater than yourselves and realize your place together in the universe.

With this approach, you will elevate the level of the connection you have with your partner and also with your sexual self.

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