How to Be Seductive

Seduction is very much a part of the courtship process, if not the most influential element of physical attraction. Webster’s Dictionary describes seduction as “something that attracts or charms” or “an invitation to sexual intercourse.” Being enticing, attractive and charming is very important when you’re dating, because you want the man you’re after to find you irresistible so he’ll come after you.

I cannot impress upon women the value of letting a man make the first move. For starters, it puts you in control and him at your mercy. You want to feel wanted, desired and sought after — not clingy, needy or desperate.

When you bring a man to a place where he can no longer resist your efforts to make him yours, you are in the power seat. You want him to kiss you, to say “I love you” first, to be the one who does the calling, and to seek you in hot pursuit.

If a guy turns into a potential candidate to spend forever with, you always want to be able to remember that he wanted you, that he had to have you, that you drove him to the brink of insanity and back again. Plus, you want to be able to remind him that he found you irresistible, not the other way around.

Trust me, it’s better this way. You don’t ever want to look back on those early days together and wonder if you came on too strong or pitied him into liking you.

Let’s be clear about what it means to be seductive because it’s so much more than getting a man in the sack, which is where women make the first mistake in their dealings with men. C’mon, ladies, most of us know it doesn’t take much to get a man to hop in bed with us. After all, they’re drooling at the mouth from the first moment we walk into a room, counting the seconds until it will become appropriate to discuss the possibility of sex.

Seduction is being alluring, mysterious and desirable enough to keep him guessing and wanting more of what you have to offer outside the bedroom. Don’t make the critical error of thinking that being seductive is about sex. You’ll become too eager to give in to his insatiable need for it, foolishly believing the act of sex will keep him coming back for more.

Seduction has little to do with making whoopee and everything to do with making a lasting impression. It’s about body language, voice control and verbal cues, not dressing sexy or talking dirty. It should always be delivered in a tasteful way so that you don’t compromise your dignity or self-esteem. Whether you are a super cool chick or the type of woman who blushes at the thought of portraying herself as a sex icon, these no-nonsense tips will help you to become successfully seductive:

A little mischievousness is needed to be seductive,

but be sure it doesn’t turn into a tease-fest.

They say the eyes are the window to the soul and it’s true. Look in the mirror and practice making eye contact with yourself. Discover every different type of possible flirtation your eyes can create, and find a few looks you’re comfortable with. Men go gaga over gorgeous eyes. Find the eye shadow/mascara/eyeliner combo you can come up with to make your eyes look sultry, and head for a night on the town. Shoot him a few of those eye poses you came up with. He will melt!

Don’t dress like a slut unless you want to be treated like one. Plunging necklines, backless dresses, super short skirts, and clear stripper heels are not the elements of a seductive ensemble. They are evidence of a desperate attempt made by a woman who doesn’t know the first thing about being sexy. Choose something that compliments your shape and shows off those eyes we talked about.

Giving it up too soon can turn a hot date into a hot mess. Give him plenty of time to yearn for you before you let him know how irresistible you find him. End phone conversations first, suggest it’s time to call it a night before he does and abruptly interrupt a couple of make-out sessions because you have to get up early. You want to drive him wild with your clothes on long before you wow him with a wild interlude that includes taking your clothes off.

Looking good is only a small part of what makes a woman seductive. Seduction is a psychological game that requires an element of mystery and deep, intellectual conversation. Mental chess is very attractive to men, and if you can hold your own in a game, you’ll hook him on all kinds of levels.

You want to maintain the fantasy aspect as long as possible, which means he will be able to conjure up all kinds of ideas about who you are before you tell him. Never tell your date too much too soon. Cleverly avoid questions and redirect the conversation to him.

Even though these are great ways to seduce a man, watch out! Webster’s also says to seduce someone is to “persuade them to disobedience or disloyalty” or “lead them astray by persuasion or false promises.” A little mischievousness is needed to be seductive, but be sure it doesn’t turn into a tease-fest. If you want to learn more about how to be sassy and seductive, read Robert Greene’s internationally acclaimed book, “The Art of Seduction.”