Are You A Got To Be Dater

Men's Dating

Are You a “Got to Be” Dater?

David Wygant

Written by: David Wygant

David Wygant

David Wygant is an internationally-renowned dating and relationship coach, author and speaker. To find out more about David and all of his dating and relationship-building products, visit

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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We have become a society full of “gottabes.” “I’ve got to be this, I’ve got to be that…”

People who have this mindset have been going out and dating based on validation, based on a need they have.

They’re not dating based on any raw desires, but based on being validated by the other person.

A man will look at a woman and tell himself right off the bat he wants her to like him. He needs to be validated by her. He wants all his friends to think he’s cool. He wants to prove to his dad he’s a ladies man.

He wants all the rumors at the office that he’s gay to stop, so what he really wants to do is call up everybody he knows and be able to talk about all the great sex he had last weekend.

A woman wants to meet a cool guy, a guy who’s put together, a really nice guy. But in the back of her mind, she remembers she’s been told 1,000 times in her life she has to make the guy chase her, she has to play hard to get.

She has to do this, she has to do that—in order to get the guy.

A woman is a sexual being just like everyone else. She wants to sleep with a guy she likes on the second date, but she doesn’t do it because she’s been told guys will think she’s a whore if she does.

So she starts playing all these games with guys, and she never gets to have any decent sex because no decent guy wants to play that game.

“Imagine what the world would be like if we

just spoke from our hearts all day long.”

We’re a society full of “gottabes.”

We never look at ourselves in the mirror and stand up for who we are and what we’re all about.

All we do is constantly try to be something else.

“I’ve got to be the cool guy. I’ve got to be the alpha guy, got to be the strong guy, the tough guy. I’ve got to be the sexy girl who gets guys to chase her. I’ve got to be the unavailable girl. I’ve got to be the guy who is a player. I’ve got to be the guy who’s an asshole. I’ve got to be the cocky guy.”

We’re not even a society being real with one another, and that’s something I talk about in my book “Naked.”

Can you imagine if for one day, just like in the movie “Liar, Liar,” we were able to just go out and have everybody speak the truth.

If one morning we woke up and we saw it was snowing, but it wasn’t real snow. It was magic fairy dust. Fairy dust you breathe in and the next thing you know, you spoke the truth the entire day.

You see a woman who you think is hot, so you tell her. Because she feels the truth in your voice, she gets turned on by it and goes, “God, that was hot. That really turned me on!” And the two of you have a great conversation where all you do is speak honestly about each other.

Imagine what the world would be like if we just spoke from our hearts all day long, if we had the balls and the confidence to speak from our hearts and nothing else.

What would happen?

More people would get laid. The sex everyone would be having would be great that day.

People would fall in love, lasting marriages would happen, bad marriages would end. Great new beginnings would start everywhere. Everything would be real.

But the problem is we overanalyze ourselves so much that we become paralyzed by analysis every day.

We can’t even wake up and take a shit unless we know exactly what type of toilet paper is sitting there in the bathroom. Now when we take a dump, we have to go look up on the Internet if there is anything wrong with us.

When it comes down to dating, we do the same thing. We go out on one date, and then we have to go on the Internet and call all of our friends and analyze that date to pieces.

Can you imagine if we took a dump and then we called all our friends and asked them if there was something wrong with us?

That’s what hypochondria is. We’ve become a hypochondriac group of daters who obsess about our dating lives every single day.

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